Showing posts with label Am i really depressed. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Am i really depressed. Show all posts

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Shadow



How can you define a shadow ? A shadow is the image of your body when the visible lights fall on it, you see them.Literally, it is defined like this, isn't it ?

That is very traditional definition of shadow. It is not the shadow but the image of your part of body that is visible. I have watched it several times and figure out that shadow is not only the image of our part of body but it is also of self. It is something that I mentioned in my earlier article about. It is the image of two souls which are present inside us. It is the non-speaking human body or clone or another copy of our body. It might be an women or men visible at any instant. I believe some times we see two shadows of our body.

The two shadows are the representation of two organ of a human body-Women and Men. I think this might be so we see two shadows. If you see three shadows then I do not have reasons to explain them.

Why shadow exists ? It is because we do not care about them or is it because they are their to exit. I think they exist only because it reminds us that we are looked after every moment, every second. It tells us that we are not alone. Even if you might live a lonely life but you are not alone because their is your shadow which speaks a lot about you.


Have you tried any time in your life talking with your own self ? Probably May be or May be not. I do it many times- It is because if you develop a habit of talking with your self then you do not look stupid but you are going one step closer to your self and realizing what you want, what are the most important things you need in your own life and what you should do. It will help you make decisions.

People do many mistakes daily and find it very difficult to make decisions. It is very difficult for them to make a simplest of decisions why ? It is just because we forget to know or talk to our own self. We are living a life for others, when will you think about your self ? It is good that you first know yourself and then start living for others it will help a lot in the process of helping others.

Experience is the best teacher, how can I expect to help or assist other person until and unless me, myself don't know what I am talking about. Whatever I write or whatever I do is based on my personal experiences not from others or may be from some body's else experiences and these experiences are knowledge or advice or suggestions or perception or info to boost your self.


As said by Sir Einstein- If I have one penny today and if I give that penny to you, I will be one penny poorer and you will be one penny richer but If I have an idea and if I give that idea to you , then you will have an idea and I will retain that idea too.

This is the way he lived his life, I am not trying to say that you should be his followers but you can learn the lesson from him. "Knowledge is multiplied not added". It is not added to your self, not to some else's mind or what so ever.

Take an example of 9+9=18 and also 9*9=81.

These are two numbers(same numbers), These two same numbers should also give the same result but some one in the past found out some calculation techniques in such a way that he made + and *

When we add these numbers we get 18 and when we multiply the same number we get opposite of the result of addition of two numbers.(18 or 81). If you will ask my son, Which one is bigger, He will blindly say-Father the second one.

You got to know one thing for sure in your mind, you can think you are one, alone and lonely living a life in depression and being in emptiness or darkness but you are not. Their lives a another person with you, that another person living with you is another number (9) and you (9). It is not the addition of knowledge you get from the person living with you but the multiplication of knowledge you get. You decide based on the knowledge he/she gives you.

However, Sharing is always loving but loving can never be sharing. We do not share what we love. We do not like to share the most important thing in our lives why ? We do not want to share because their is a human tendency to be afraid of loosing.

The topic of the article is not justified with just the name called "shadow". It might means

"Shade within defined limits; obscurity or deprivation of
light, apparent on a surface, and representing the form of
the body which intercepts the rays of light; as, the
shadow of a man, of a tree, or of a tower "

According to the dictionary but it is not a perfect definition some one should change it. I have tried to defined on my own way but it won't be valued because I am no Einstein and I am no Newton. I am an ordinary man who can think, think and just think.


(Picture taken from:http://www.shadowhousepits.com.au/
shadow%20in%20the%20dark.jpg)

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Good Morning to you all.



Hyvä huoämentä ! Corrected one -after receiving a comment(Hyvää huomenta!)I don't know weather the two brave words that I am trying to use are correct or not but the meaning is Good Morning. Therefore A very good morning to me and to whole world waking up.

I am not johnny depp. No one would find any interest in reading my personal life. But the fact is I am not maintaining the blog because no one would read but to give the lesson that I am learning and that I have learn in my life to others through it. I am not going to tell you my story but the imaginative one.

Once in a beautiful land located Northern part of world was a person who was committed to what he spoke. He was so deeply rooted by his principals that he could do whatever he said. It was his principal and the way he lived his life. But the way of living a life was narrowed since people think, act and behave differently. His principal was whatever he said he will commit, do and deliver till his level best otherwise he would not say anything about it. Their were people who he was connected to but those people would not realize it. He was trying to convince them but very few of them understood what he was going through.

We are all ordinary human beings, we should live a life for others ....blah ..blah ...blah......... these are old way of saying and dealing day to day life. The new approach is...

I am rocking tonight at party, are you going to come in the gay suit today. You were looking so F&&¤ beautiful tonight. Me and my friends rocked the entire place. ........blah blah and blah... This is new approach of living a life in 21st century.

"Everything that is difficult for others is easy to me and everything that seems easy is difficult."

If I have written this quote it belongs to be because it was created some 7 seconds earlier in my mind and my keyword wrote it in this article. Creation is an art of mind which are randomly generated not collected.

But, these are boring to me again ! Welcome to the reality and the reality is very early in the morning so Good Morning to one and all. To the early sunrise which has touched its rays in the lake Saimaa stating that I am awake, I will provide energy and food to you all. To the chirping of birds which are getting ready to find some food for their baby birds and To the entire human beings who are getting ready to read, write, learn, make love,drink a morning coffee, see the beauty etc etc. My good morning to you all.


(Picture taken from: http://gyanev.blog.usf.edu/
wp-content/good_morning_02.jpg )

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Life without you.




I am really depressed, sad and hollow. I am empty and blue. I am feeling bad about myself because I know you are not with me. I am alone, I do not trust anybody because I know nobody does trust to me. Some times I have the feeling that I should kill myself but again I remember that I am not alone anymore.

Who should I live for ? Is it for you who is very far from me or Is it my loneliness that possibly would be filled. I cannot imagine you in someone else arm because I am jealous about loosing you. I cannot say weather I love but I know I cannot live without you.

Are marriages made in heaven ? If yes, then where is this place ? I am stupid that I am asking so many questions but its not with some body else I am asking it to but with myself. I read an article about Osho today and he said that life is not about birth and death it is far more important and difficult to understand then it.

I do not want to know about life or love but I want to be close with you. How is it possible for me to quit everything and close to you ? I know the simplest solution is the most difficult to take. What is their in you that reminds me that I cannot live without you. What is that you can give it to me which I cannot live without.

People do thousand and one thing to impress their partner, girl friend and wife but what should i do to impress you despite the fact that i know you do not expect anything like me. Are we really destined to each other ? People might wonder and ponder after saying so many words about you I am asking the question are we destined for each other.

Why is that marriage fall apart and girl friend of many guys leave their boy friend ? Isn't it very difficult to answer. I like this word called difficult because everything that seems difficult to others is easy to me and everything that seems easy to others is very difficult for me.

The answer to the question is that every girl have one thing in common and that one thing is that they are jealous of other girl. Every women can either be very good to other women or either will be very god enemy. Most of the times women hate other women. They cannot see other women progress. Why ? It is because women are jealous and they are thinking too much. Sometimes they do not even think but they pretend they are thinking.

It is easy to say that they always expect the unexpected from their partners also. When their partner do not give or satisfy or could not some how satisfy her do not get me wrong with the word satisfy- it doesn't necessarily mean sexual satisfaction but the satisfaction of all kind then women start getting bored. They behave irrationally they will do something stupid which will irritate the man, boy friend and a husband. This phenomenon is usually happening therefore most of the marriages, relationship do not last long.

Do not believe me but try to learn those golden words what came just from the scratch. You will believe me when you will trust me and it is difficult to trust somebody so easily. Trust starts from the letter "t" which I have given the meaning "t"=truth and the ending of letter in word "trust" is "t" again which also means "t"=truth.

This is how I have understood and this is my philosophy of understanding the English words. I do not know history and I do not want to know them anymore. If you trust me then you will see the meaning of these words. To get an solution to an individual problem you have to have patience and wait because what I am learning is what I am presenting it.

Life without you is life without meaning, without any reason, without any climate and without any motive. I really don't know if i will be alive to see you. If I will be, I would like to die in your arms. Wish you were here to see what I am going through, everything we wish does not come true and with everything their is again nothing...Life without you...

(Picture taken from:
http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l248/
marymihalka/mortality.jpg )

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Words

I do not want to speak, I am dumb,deaf and I do not know what are the values of these words. I am lazy, I am crazy and I have no words to express what I am going through. I do not have job,I do not have those thing that I wan to have. I do not care about them, as long as I know those things are temporary to me why should i care about them.

Life is like this and i like it the way is is for me. I am alone, I am freezing and I am cold. I do not want to see any sun because i know i do not get what i want and its not my wish that will bring the sun. I am depressed but i know that depression is temporary. I do not feel like walking but I know I have to because that will teach me something that i do not wish to learn.

What is wrong with me ? Am I going mad ? Am I acting like I have been to different world doing nothing. I have a beautiful life,why I am hating this life ? What is wrong that I have done ?

These are the symptoms of the depressed person. Whenever we get depressed we talk with ourselves and we talk something similar to these words but why ? Do not ever ask why because their is no answer to why ? Always ask to yourself that how can i make some difference in myself and my society, my organization and my country.

We have thousand golden moments but we do not use them properly. There are some people who live for just one moment in their entire life. There are such kind of people also. Why are we worried we have entire life ahead of us to worry. Let us cheer up ! Let us do some crazy things that we wish to do or that we have kept pending in our life. Do whatever you wish to do and act however you wish to act.

If you live the life for yourself you are smart enough to live a life but if you live a life for others then you are intelligent enough to yourself and if you wish to do the both then you are wise enough for others.

I don't know if you can understand what I have written but I do not care-its my nature to check or cross verify what I speak or what i write. Everything is words-do not get into the trap of words but do get into the trap of your self, your intellect and your passion to go ahead or rather look ahead. Keep up the spirit and move ahead.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Do not use word "Deadline"


(Picture taken from: http://www.poconomountainsfilmfestival.com
/images/deadline2.gif)


Do not use the word deadline. It reminds me of the something negative. It is not good to use the word called Dead+Line. Is something that is not positive. I realize once that we quite often use this word in case of doing some assignments or some exercises or some major or any kind of work. Why do we use the word called Deadline ? Yes, It is quite true that one should use this word in case of the completion of the work but have anybody ever thought this word can also cause you more stress than anything else. Have anybody realize the fact that the word is negative. Dead represent end. End itself is negative and negative can never be positive. Why not use some other words instead of using the word called deadline. Why not to use completion date or something similar. What I think is whoever created this word should banned the word especially in Academic world.

Yes, you can do thousand research on this idea what I am presenting but you will come up with one conclusion at the end and that conclusion which I think is appropriate. Do not use the word called Deadline. Instead some other alternatives. Please. Why ? The word will cause stress in the mindset of every students around the world. There might be some exceptions, their might be some one who will surely disagree but What I think is its not good to use. It causes stress, demoralizes and it demands more. My experience do not tell me that these words should not be used but use it in some funny ways.

It depends on every individual personal interest's towards what he likes and what he do not but the word which is used in academic field a matter of concerns because change is required in this aspect also.

It is just the matter of time when we will completely change the way we speak. Everything we do and everything we are bounded with should be funny and interesting rather stressful and boring.

Monday, February 25, 2008

“Blessed are the peacemakers”


(Picture taken from: http://www.freespiritart.com/images/holding-peace-by-howe.jpg)

We all want peace: peace of mind, peace in the family and community, between countries, peace with our environment. There is scarcely anyone who does not yearn for peace. But how many of us are prepared to pay the price of peace? We need to love each other; have compassion and be prepared to sacrifice for one another and work for togetherness and peace. Love and peace will see all people united by the bonds of brotherhood, moving onward, forward. For God and religion cannot and ought not to be kept out of this vision, even though people tend to discredit religion these days. For it is not religion that has failed us, it is we who have failed religion. We only speak of religion; we do not bear witness to it in deeds of daily living, to the teachings of the great prophets.

It is life that is needed, not words. You may recite prayers, chant hymns and sing songs of praise; you may read from the scriptures and frequent places of worship but if you do not imbibe at least some of the wisdom, are you any better than a tape recorder? You may write wonderful commentaries on the Bhagavad Gita or any other world scriptures, but if you do not reflect the wisdom of these scriptures in word and action, how are you any better than a desktop printer? "Blessed are the peacemakers", said Jesus. The world today needs peacemakers, not those who merely talk of peace but those who carry peace within and transmit it to those around them.

True love is selfless. And such love can bring about lasting peace. Why are we not becoming doers and just becoming talkers. Why is whole country in trauma, totally paralyzed, disabling situation. Who is to blame for this? Government, Political Parties, Madhes, Pahadi and who else?

We are suffering from a problems and that should be considered a problem for Nepalese not just Madhesis, Pahadi or any other parties or communities. The problem is common for all of us, and we should try to find a common solution for it instead of fighting with each other. When are we going to do this? I am certain that till the day I am alive, I am not going to see peaceful Nepal. I will not expect my country to develop as long as I am alive- I will not believe in any politicians because I know they do not speak the truth now what is that I am expecting from my motherland? I am expecting just a peace.

Am I asking too much for this? As a common Nepali citizens, denizens we all have right to ask for the term called peace but as Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers” Let pray that we can soon see those peacemakers for our country, by our country and in our country.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Where is heaven or hell ?

If you ask this question then you will come up with some very funny answers and some totally vague. Well, what do you think ? Where is this place called heaven or hell ? What I believe is very much similar now what you might think.

Some of you might think that heaven is in some place where we will reach only after we are dead. After our death we will reach to this place which is called heaven. If we do great deeds in our present life we will surely see the place called heaven. This is also the concept we have in our Hindu culture. I remember my parents saying once to me that- There is no heaven or hell. Everything is here in this planet, here alone.

Forget about the place called heaven or hell ! It does not exits. What exist is just what you are seeing now. That is your heaven or hell. It is your interpretation of what you are facing now at present. We are very good at judging the place, country, religion or sex. Without experience whatever we judge or say something about is meaningless, useless- People want to see or hear more about your experiences then something which does not give any meaning to them.Tell about your experience do not tell or judge something just like that.

Coming to the point where is the heaven, Heaven is there where our heart is. Hell is there where our hatred is.

I don't know from where this line came in my mind.This is what I think. The heart full of love consists of heaven and the heart which has hatred lies the hell. It is our heart where these two words lies. Whenever we talk about love, life and about family we know what we are talking about and we mean it.

Heaven is there where our heart lies, where our heart wants to be always and most importantly where in our heart lies the mysterious word called "love". The place is hell if we do not have that capability to keep the word called "love".

Do not differentiate between anything either it is words or either it is country or culture or whatever. Every thing is good, every food you made is good, every bar you visit is nice, every girl you see is beautiful, every clothes you were is perfect, every smile you make is awesome, every writing you write is nice, every songs you sing is outstanding, every place you visit is beautiful, every acting you do is marvelous, every lectures you attend is exquisite, every movies you watched is perfect and nice movie, every boy or girl you see are intelligent only thing that you need is the way you see them !

"Beauties lies in the eyes of beholder". Yes it does ! Only difference that exist is how you see them. See the different pattern in the sky every day. They are just for you. To make you smile, to give you pleasure that you are alive and to say you that you are in heaven. See with clear vision and clear mindset you will get what you want.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Depression Consular

We have International, National Coordinators in the university. We have big guys or one of the major person in the university like Professors, Rector and various top level people but we do not have depression consular. The idea of having the depression consular came into my(our) mind when we were discussing something in the kitchen. Teemu, Daniel and me were among the conversation about why not to have a derepssion consular in all the university around the world. In west, students are getting depressed very easily.

We can see the example of many such events happening now a days. Students are loads of pressure, they are suffering all the time lack of food, job, proper care and depression all the way. Students are the one who gets depressed very easily because of so many factors and constraints. The pressure gets inside the head of student very easily. There should be some kind of authority who handles it with due care. Not just passive authority but the one who is active, the one who listens very carefully to the problems faced by the students in daily rigmarole.


Based on the informal observation and no scientific data I would suggest that it is very good idea to keep some kind of authority who can take care of various events and various activites of students. Not only the students from home land but also from the International. It can also be seen in some countries that students are sleeping in garden because they could not afford to have their own house to live. The situation is even worse when you have to be stranded in the airport for days to find some suitable place to survive or live.

The biq question is who is responsible for this ? Is it a student itself ? How can we blame on ourselves. If students keep on blaming to themselves then will start getting more depressed and do some unusual activites. There should be some mechanism to ensure the proper care and open a depression consular in every authority.

Well, It is a idea which needs some proper care and should be implemented but the big question is when ? If it is not going to be implemented soon then we should be ready to face the consequences in near future.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Memories remains

The topic reminds me of my own past. Why our memories reminds of something beautiful and something very fascinating ? What is that makes us smile when we think of our past. I know we all most of the times think about the future and do not care what we do at the present but sometimes when we are alone and thinking nothing then comes the most glorious day or moment you have had with. It comes from no where it just pops out in your brain and you start thinking that yes those were the momoents we cherished and those were the good things we did or those times were very good, outstanding or infact most beautiful days. Why ? Can our present also be like that some way ? Can we say that today morning this happen, or this thing was very good and i am doing happy or i am cheerful or i feel i am very excited. Often we ignore the present and there is a lot talk going on about the present byu various intelligent and creative people. As you see- I am not so innovative and I do not think I am creative, Here I am talking about memories remains. Song by Metallica which is very nice in its own sense.

A google search using the term will come up with many hits before we get anywhere close to origin of the word. There is always a what question in our mind when we ask about what remains in our memory.

What remains in our mind is the event that has occurred already and we think we have overcome or succeeded that event, we are not ready for the present event or function so we do not know much about it and we do not want to talk or discuss about it that much but the same event after some time we will remember and rejoice it. It would seem that I am making some stupid assumptions but I think I am true.

Based on the informal observation, it can be seen that we are somehow connected to our past and we do walk the very next step or let's say we take the next step in our life based on our past event or activity also it is worth mentioning that we are what we were in the past but with little change in environment, culture , adaptation and to our core values.


To sum up, What remains is memories which are good to remember some times and most important things are free as the moments are free, time may seem money but even time cannot bring money when we relate it to our past. Money is for nothing despite the reality says Men are for Money, by the Money and with the Money and I could not still find out What women are for. Anyways, Memories remains and I hope even if it is pleaseant as well as unpleaseant it will bring some smile in your face too.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Sound of Footsteps...

Tuck Tuck Tuck.....Tak Tak Tak......Tik Tik Tik... Tuk Tuk Tuk....

Dont laugh ! This is how the sound of Footsteps are when you listen very carefully to it. I have been watching the sound of the Footsteps of my own together with the footsteps of others. Have you ever paid any attention to the sound of Foot. There are very few people who will have time or do focus of the sound of their foot. We tend to forget these simple things in our life. We should remember that these simple things give lots of pleasure in our life. Try it once and you will feel total joy, and i am sure you will smile when you will here your own sound of your own foot.How does this happen technically, When the foot strikes with the object which is solid and then there is some kind of vibration in both the object and your foot which produces sound.

Isn't it very sweet to hear the sound of your foot and realize the speed or the behaviour of human. I personally think the behaviour of let's say these kind of gesture also determins how we think, and what we basically are looking or let's where we are heading towards.

Why should you believe in me ? Please don't, try to experience or try it yourself then you will come to know What I am saying. We live in free world where we all have freedom of speech and expression so please go ahead.


Sound is sensation which has to be felt with the realization that we are alive. This is what I think about the Sound of footsteps of mine. Now, Its your turn therefore Ladies and Gentleman, Go ahead..

Friday, January 18, 2008

Fear of Failure

Fear of failure is very good thing, i am afraid i think i will not clear my master's. Why am i worried so much may be because if i will fail in this subject i will not be able to live here. Who is going to give me money ? What would happen if i will fail. Surely, I am going to be depressed. I am depressed now and i will be more depressed. Is there any alternative with this ? What if i fail the entire course and not be given chance to write this course again? Why are we afraid of our failures ? Why these failures makes us more depressed ? Why people always smile ? Is living in this planet is all about success and only success. Who thinks Darwin is right ? Struggle for existence. To exist in this planet we have to go through these failures and have to struggle with other species.With the species of our own. We cannot eat each other flesh can we ? The days are not very far. When there will be imbalance then surely the that time we will have to struggle for food. There is vast competition between each of us. Every body is talented. Every body can deliver upto their potential and they are passionate to do the work. Whom to choose ? I myself is trying very hard to get through this but i could not. I ain't got any job. No money, sometimes I listen to this song " I am hustle... am am.. hustle hommie... " Struggling all the way for food, little money to pass this life... and little bit of smile on face. I am worried of failure and i am really worried how to get though this. In life we always something new, always afraid of something and for me i am worried of this failure because this will bring me right down to the earth. I am hopeless,depressed and sad. I am passionately curious but being curious does not give me any pleasure and happiness. Let me see... What happens... Let me pray... Let me have this hope.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Am I really depressed ?

Am I really depressed?

Depression is one of the main causes of defects cause in human body. Why people are more depressed then they were before. Is it because of the climate? How can climate affect the level of energy in human body? Why I myself is feeling depressed. ? These questions are something which is very hard to express. From last couple of weeks I have not been present in Barbara’s class, she must be feeling depressed not to see me, or is it me who is feeling depressed not to see her. Am I a really busy person or is it because of the work load I am having. Some times what I think is that, we all people who I am related with and who I think are here in this country are going through this stage. Is it because of climate and workload? Can climate really affect the mind of people? I do not know weather it is scientifically proved or not. What I think is that, Sun is the energy, From last month I have not see sun smiling as it does in other part of world. Why is he depressed with himself? We are living in place where level of energy is created by human. It is not natural. Some times it may be also the cause why people in Finland speak less. To speak we need energy now, since we all live in dark from where can we expect the energy to get inside our body. I am not seeing smiling anybody. I myself is not smiling. Every body is feeling depressed and so is nature feeling depressed. Life is a journey of uncertainties there are always ups and downs in life. Here in Finland there are loads of resources available but one thing is lacking here which is brightness. It may be also be the cause of less population then any where else. I am making my predictions so this prediction has nothing to do with anybody. Hope fully one day the sun will shine and bring the energy in every individual, make them cheerful and smile for ever and ever. The day is not very far as we do not know how time passes by, life is just like a journey which satisfies the moment we cherish at every time. I hope we are not satisfied and we will not as long as there is life, we all are a human who can just pass the message of love, peace and truth passing by. Nothing is good or bad. Every thing is good it is us who think the things as bad. One day, one of my friends said, “Santosh why did u always say this is good and that is good. Why don’t you use the word bad?” I replied to him, “Well, Nothing is bad my dear friend it is us who think that is bad. Take an e.g. of food if we are eating at this moment, you are saying the food that you are eating is bad but it’s not the food which is bad it is your mouth which is saying the food is bad. It is only the words. The thing is the same and it will remain the same. Similarly, depression is not what we feel inside us it is just what we say. We are happy and cheerful since the time we were born and we will remain the same.