The sun dipped below Chitwan’s horizon as Kamana wrapped up another long shift. Her feet ached for rest and her heart longed for the indulgence of a hearty dinner, but familial duty beckoned. With a sigh, she redirected her steps towards her family home. There, amidst the warm embraces and familiar chatter, stood Shankar—a dashingly familiar face from her childhood, the man whose silent admiration had flourished from schoolyard glances.
With intentions as clear as the sky, Shankar sought her hand in marriage. Agreeing to a courtship, Kamana stepped into a dance of destiny with the man who once lived in her daydreams.
The days unfurled like the petals of a lotus, revealing a profound love that Kamana found herself enveloped in its bloom, wedded to the man of her reveries. But fate, ever the trickster, had surprises tucked up its sleeve. Shankar revealed plans for a new life in America, a land of dreams where opportunity beckoned like the stars. Yet, just as their American journey began, life stirred within Kamana—a child, a promise of new beginnings.
With a baby on the horizon and a foreign land as her new reality, Kamana faced the daunting question of her place in this brave new world, where a pregnant foreigner's prospects seemed as uncertain as the fluttering of a butterfly’s wings.
“Shankar, I don't know how to find work here while pregnant.”
“You are my wife now, so you don’t need to worry about these things. I will provide for you and the children. You will stay home and care for the children and the house.”
Kamana honestly didn’t like the idea of staying at home, but for now, it seemed like the best decision for her. Soon, their son was born, and a little girl was born a couple of years later. Kamana seemed lost in the daily routine of caring for the children, cooking and cleaning. She had lost her identity as a person and was now just Shankar’s wife. Before she knew it, ten years had passed, and she couldn’t remember having an identity of her own anymore.
The days she worked and lived off her own money were gone, but she still missed those days. Having something to do that made her feel important and like she belonged.
Trapped in the existential void of being known merely as Shankar's wife, Kamana grappled with the erasure of her essence.
For a decade, she had slipped through Kamana's fingers like grains of sand, each year amplifying her sense of isolation in a land that was home yet not entirely. She moved through her American life as though wrapped in a translucent veil, visible yet separated from those around her.
Her life in Nepal, vibrant with friendships and familiarity, now played out in distant echoes carried on the wind. As she tended to her children, a creeping realisation hollowed her spirit—she had become a mere shadow of her former self, an empty vessel where once a fierce soul blazed.
On an unremarkable day, amidst the mundane lull, a spark ignited within her. Kamana could no longer wither in the confines of her bubble; the time had come to reclaim her essence, to seek her rightful place in this sprawling tapestry. She yearned to rediscover the fire that once defined her, the unique essence of being that whispered, insistently—Kamana.
“Shankar. I can’t live this way anymore. The kids are growing up, and I need something more in my life than just caring for them. I want to find who I am, get a job and feel like I am doing something,” Kamana tried to explain to her husband.
“How would I look? I can't support my family, so I have my wife go off and try to find her work. Your place is at home taking care of the children, and mine is going out and making money. You already have an identity; you are Kamana; you already have a belonging; it is here with the children,” he replied.
He tried to argue with her, not wanting her to go out into the world and leave being a housewife.
“I feel empty compared to how I used to feel. When we first started seeing each other and I was working and helping people, you could see how happy I was. Look at me and tell me that you see the same joy in me having to stay at home all the time. The children are now old enough to let themselves in after school.”
Weeks of tension strained Kamana and Shankar’s marriage as they grappled with her need for self-fulfilment. Eventually, Shankar recognised that her happiness was paramount and blessed her to seek what would give her a sense of belonging.
Lost at first, Kamana wandered the city, considering various roles that might reignite her sense of identity. It wasn’t until her eyes met a billboard for nursing school that her path became apparent—an opportunity to nurture her true self.
“I want to attend school and become a nurse,” She told her husband.
“You're not the cheery woman I married,” Shankar replied.
He was unhappy and told her he didn't want her doing something that would take so long to learn. So that she could find something else that gave her a less time-consuming purpose, she was determined, though she knew that helping people medically would be the thing that made her feel whole again.
So, she started to attend school and learn how to become a nurse. By the time she had finished everything and passed all the exams, her children had grown into young teenagers. They were proud of their mother, and her daughter said she aspired to be just like her and find the thing that gave her identity.
As the Nepalese New Year dawned, it ushered in a tide of fortune for Kamana. She secured a position at a local hospital, and even in the face of long hours and challenging patients, an unwavering sense of belonging enveloped her—a sign that luck was indeed on her side as the new year began.
She wasn’t just Shankar’s wife anymore; she was her person. She had an identity as a nurse, which gave her a community where she could make friends and become more part of society than she had been since she arrived in Nepal. Her husband had finally realised that she was much happier now that she had found a place in this country where she belonged.
Being his wife wasn’t an identity of her own, just an extension of his. Kamana wanted to do one more thing: share her story with others so that nobody would feel like they had no identity or belonging in the world.
Kamana’s journey of self-discovery resonated far and wide as her blog became a beacon of inspiration. Her words encouraged others to seek out their passions and to find their voices and places in the world. Her story, a ripple that turned into a wave, even reached her homeland of Nepal, where pride swelled in the hearts of her family and friends.
In her quest for identity, Kamana had transformed from a woman adrift to a purposeful nurse. It was a stark reminder of the existentialist truth that one must forge one’s path to avoid the abyss of losing oneself to the definitions of others.
Her newfound wholeness became a rallying cry for her fellow nurses, a call to share their tales. Kamana’s dream was to foster a community, a sanctuary for all who felt lost, to help them uncover their spark—their reason to be. She proved that within everyone lies the power to be their person, to carve out their destiny.
Published: The Kathmandu PostNepal's leading daily newspaper
https://kathmandupost.com/fiction-park/2024/04/28/a-promise-of-new-beginning
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