Happy Easter, Happy New Year (2066), Happy ...

Dear all,


Happy Easter to you all (human beings), and to all animals (birds, lions, elephants, ants,...) and to all other living beings (plants, objects, nature, climate, rain, lake, sea, stars, universe, sun,..)

"I am in pain and I know how it feels to be in pain. I bless you, you will never have pain in your life, after me." -Mybheja

Below is the poem which states that,

An old man is begging Lord, to take away his life. He cannot commit sucide because he is very old and he does not have love in his life so he is begging from lord to give him death, as soon as possible. I hope his prayers will be fulfilled.

(Afterwards, the poorest guy in earth will never appear anywhere...)



****************************************************
I beg you lord
****************************************************
I am begging for god to take away my life
I do not want to live, without love
Man who lives oneday and dies the same day
I am powerless, without energy
Oh love, why is it so difficult?
Differences dividing us

When would world understand?
Love is beyond any culture, age and religion
Love is very simple, beautiful
Your face with early morning sunrise
Your love for love

I do not want to live any longer
I don't know, why I am alive?
I am without you, you are without me
We need each other,
World is dividing thee

I am hoping beyond hope
You might just change your heart
Road ahead is difficult
Trust me, I am your only one

I am your only happiness,
Time will tell

There are two ways that you can choose
Easy is very easy and difficult very difficult
Easy will lead you to sorrow and pain, the end.
Difficult will ask you,"Kill yourself.", the beginning.

Mr. Happy and Mr. Difficult are best friends,
True loving friends, they live together, forever
Mr. Easy and Mr. Happy are enemies
False loving friends, they hate each other, ever and ever

Decide from your heart
I beg you lord, take away my soul from this useless body
I know now, the meaning of pain
Every time, I wake up I beg you to take away my life
I beg you lord, life is useless without love

A smile, a touch, a kiss, a hug
All are missing, for so long
I am begging you lord, to give me death
For so long,

I hope she will be happy
I know she will not be
Between "hope" and "knowing"
I am nobody who should decide
Her fate and her life
I am in pain and I know now, meaning of pain

I want to die but I cannot kill myself
I am too coward who fears death
O dear lord, I beg you to give death
I beg you lord, I beg you.

This human life, is for moment
In this moment, is my story
I am living in this moment
My story is living with me
Oneday, I will fade away
My story will fade away with me

I beg you lord, take away my life
I don't need this flesh, without soul
I don't need this world, without her love
I hate, cry, feel pain, suffer than
your sons has ever suffered,
Jesus, Krishna, Buddha, Mohmaad ...

I beg you lord, please take away my life
I beg you lord, I beg you...

***************************************************
© Santosh Kalwar

God blesses you !

and

God bless you, all !

"What do you associate with Heart?"

"Heart". Here is one quote which my mind generated in less than few nano seconds. It says, "Heart is the place where "happiness" lies".

As you mentioned Paulo, Heart is the corner stone for many religions.Yes it is ! If you see physically, the heart can be associated with some physical organ which lies in our body. I would suggest you one question.

Why do people associated "love" with the heart symbol ? Many book, many literature has tried to answer the question of love. Every body has their own story but I would say love is a simplest form of human need which desires happiness and nothing beyond.

Where there is happiness, there is love and where there is love there is happiness. Heart is the symbol for love. The place where no one decides through the virtue of one's mind but just gives it away. Why do I say, give it away?

Heart is the place where we do not want to preseve anything but just give, When you give you will feel happiness. When you want to preserve and keep it on your own then, you are hiding something with not only yourself but with others around.

There is one common analogy in some religion. Here is that- "Soul is like a air, and human body is flesh". When you have only flesh, it does not count but when you have flesh and the soul, it brings you to life.

Life is combination of soul and the body. Let me give you one example. You have a car, but you do not have a driver for the car. You do not know how to drive but you need urgently to reach for some work. Now what would you do ? Forget about the alternatives like taking taxi or not going or whatever but you just have to move or go. Imagine !

When you have to think of this situation what would be best approach ? How would you be able to tackle such problem, leave the problem. That is one thing but the point is that, the human body is like the car which is a body but do not have a driver, without heart.

When there is only human body or the car the car does not move but when there is driver inside the car then car does moves. The same principal can be applied with humans.

This simple approach justifies that without human heart human will be alive but they will never be happy. Here is one poem which could help to understand or give some meaning to explain "heart".

With heart, I feel the pain.
With heart, I also feel the pleasure.

With you, I can climb the mountain
I can jump from the sky

Oh dear ! How can I survive when I feel alone
When there is darkness and no one near.

Is it my heart which is seeking love
Or is it my mind which is thinking a lot.

When would our journey come to peaceful end?
I wish I can sleep in your arms,
With ever lasting peace and silence...

My heart is for you and will always be with you.
When I wake up early in the morning

The first wish is with the God, to be with you.
I know time is passing like a steam of water

But Oh dear !, why am I left like without heart
and to ponder all around.

I see humans but they all make me think
I see object but they all make me sick

I am living and People look as if I am alive
Should I wait?, Just because both of our heart will find each other together.

I hope all your dreams and all your goals come to life.
I cannot wait to see pleasure in your eyes

When I can sleep in your arms and explain how I felt with every passing moment of my life

Is it because of our heart or should I think of your heart as mine ?


I do not know how long I can make the poem but I hope this explains a lot about what I associate "heart" with. You can always use the poem if you want but please give credit to the author. Because, this author is struggling to leave a mark on the heart of all those alive.

Life without you.

I am really depressed, sad and hollow. I am empty and blue. I am feeling bad about myself because I know you are not with me. I am alone, I do not trust anybody because I know nobody does trust to me. Some times I have the feeling that I should kill myself but again I remember that I am not alone anymore.

Who should I live for ? Is it for you who is very far from me or Is it my loneliness that possibly would be filled. I cannot imagine you in someone else arm because I am jealous about loosing you. I cannot say weather I love but I know I cannot live without you.

Are marriages made in heaven ? If yes, then where is this place ? I am stupid that I am asking so many questions but its not with some body else I am asking it to but with myself. I read an article about Osho today and he said that life is not about birth and death it is far more important and difficult to understand then it.

I do not want to know about life or love but I want to be close with you. How is it possible for me to quit everything and close to you ? I know the simplest solution is the most difficult to take. What is their in you that reminds me that I cannot live without you. What is that you can give it to me which I cannot live without.

People do thousand and one thing to impress their partner, girl friend and wife but what should i do to impress you despite the fact that i know you do not expect anything like me. Are we really destined to each other ? People might wonder and ponder after saying so many words about you I am asking the question are we destined for each other.

Why is that marriage fall apart and girl friend of many guys leave their boy friend ? Isn't it very difficult to answer. I like this word called difficult because everything that seems difficult to others is easy to me and everything that seems easy to others is very difficult for me.

The answer to the question is that every girl have one thing in common and that one thing is that they are jealous of other girl. Every women can either be very good to other women or either will be very god enemy. Most of the times women hate other women. They cannot see other women progress. Why ? It is because women are jealous and they are thinking too much. Sometimes they do not even think but they pretend they are thinking.

It is easy to say that they always expect the unexpected from their partners also. When their partner do not give or satisfy or could not some how satisfy her do not get me wrong with the word satisfy- it doesn't necessarily mean sexual satisfaction but the satisfaction of all kind then women start getting bored. They behave irrationally they will do something stupid which will irritate the man, boy friend and a husband. This phenomenon is usually happening therefore most of the marriages, relationship do not last long.

Do not believe me but try to learn those golden words what came just from the scratch. You will believe me when you will trust me and it is difficult to trust somebody so easily. Trust starts from the letter "t" which I have given the meaning "t"=truth and the ending of letter in word "trust" is "t" again which also means "t"=truth.

This is how I have understood and this is my philosophy of understanding the English words. I do not know history and I do not want to know them anymore. If you trust me then you will see the meaning of these words. To get an solution to an individual problem you have to have patience and wait because what I am learning is what I am presenting it.

Life without you is life without meaning, without any reason, without any climate and without any motive. I really don't know if i will be alive to see you. If I will be, I would like to die in your arms. Wish you were here to see what I am going through, everything we wish does not come true and with everything their is again nothing...Life without you...

(Picture taken from:
http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l248/
marymihalka/mortality.jpg )

Take it.

Take everything in your life as positive. There are things that your friends, relative and all people around you will tell about you. The day you are born and from the very day you start learning the things and start to know about the world, family,friends- from that onwards you will get loads of information about you. Every body would like to give you some suggestion, comments about this and about that. Take everything inside you as positive. There will be times when you will also have to deal with negative comments. But these comments should not stop you. Take it. Nothing wrong is going to happen in them. Once some 7 months ago, I myself used to teach to some 45 students in one college. It was a very good and nice experience which I myself achieved in very little time. At the last lecture that I had to give, I asked the students to give me the feedback about the course. There were very good and encouraging feedback and comments about the way I taught them. There were also very rude and negative comments. So, Life is just like this- We are some random particle in constantly in motion. Sometimes we some how come across the other particles just like that and to learn from them. It is very good thing if we can share, care and tear the differences that exist between us and them. Positive does not imply anything here. Positive can be any words, any gesture or any comments. Negative can be all these things but in opposite way. However, We all should understand the fact that it is not going to last long. We are temporary. Nothing is permanent. Let us not assume our life as permanent living species in this planet. We are here for some task and let us do that task to our best of caliber. Take it.

Where is Nepal ?

There is always a fight between land, power and money. The fight will never stop until this world will exist. Looking at this picture says it all where is Nepal ? India thinks that it has been ruling the Asia. Right from the past to the present and in near future it assumes that India will rule the world one day. No country will rule this planet. The world has the difference because of these attributes such as land. The biggest issue is that we all want our share of land and our share of everything. There is always my.. There is always my life, my land, my things, and my wife. We all humans want to rule this planet. We always assume some facts that never is ours. Nothing is ours. We must understand that it is good to have differences but the differences should not be misunderstood. We are good at assuming thigs. The one who created this would surely not like this. See the picture and tell me where is the country called Nepal ? Where is it located ? Where are the people of this country ? Just showing one references about the early dominance of the country does not reflect any values and does not give any meaning to the map. Well, every thing can be acheived by the power. The big always dominates the small and that is way it is. Welcome to the world, the presence of the country called Nepal does not exist !

Good bye, DEAR!

These words will not bring you back to me, these are only words and what I am writing and these words will not value as much the feeling going deep inside my heart for you. Remember the promises we made, remember the last day we hug each other, the day when I have to return to my home. I will never forget those days until I am dead, the day when your father and I was having lunch together and you were serving it. What went wrong, it’s my entire fault. I am no good writer. I wrote what I felt for you. I did the mistake of writing the 200 pages of diary just for you and your father got that dairy. I never wrote that I am in love with you but the reader will surely get this idea that some romantic guy is behind this. I was wrong. Yes, “you were right” you can never be with me. I know. May be I was wrong, I didn’t knew that I liked you. I still do not know but I really wanted to be with you till death. I know that is not possible. You are going to get married with someone; it was long back you said you are going to get married with him. I still have those emails that you wrote to me. I do not know. It was your one sentence that made me quit smoking that I was smoking for last 16 or so year. Who says, that habit cannot be changed in one day. I can prove them wrong. I am no more smokers. I don’t know may be you do not want to contact me anymore, that am why you asked him not to give your email or contact address. Your mobile numbers have been changed or you rather changed it. Thank you! Why didn’t you say directly to me that you do not love me? Why? What is the worth of living since you are not with me anymore? The whole world is beneath this word called “Love” I know I do not have that moment when I can feel, share and love the love. I am so unfortunate to not have you. I do not want to live a life just like that. I do not want anybody except you. I know why you did not say that, “you do not love me” For you life is all about your family, you live for your family, you are so responsible, and that is good. You did not want to hurt me, by not letting me know the truth. Well, thank you very much! I was alone in dark. I thought we are two. Thank you for ignoring me. Thank you for doing whatever you felt. Next time when I came to your city, it was just to talk with you. I came some 4000km alone just I thought I will speak with you. But again it was just once. I realize the mistake I did. I should not have said those words since I did not know what I was talking. May be again my poor English. I misunderstood it, your words. I was trying to convince you but you again thought I am up to something else. I never wanted to hurt you but now no one ever can hurt me too. Life is nothing without the love. You have found your ideal match in your life, Be happy and take care but please let me once know when you are going to get married with him, so that I too can decide my own marriage. I am man of my words, let me prove it. Give me one chance. Please Please, I beg you for that.
I have always done wrong for you, the things I never wanted to do wrong to you. I always wanted to good but every step I took was mistake. May be the script written did not matched. What I was doing did not go correct with what unknown has written for me. This is mysterious. No body would understand and nobody can understand. I am dying to see your email. I am searching for your name. I am crying every day and night to know where you are and what you doing/. May be this is another mistake, may be this is wrong. Thank you once again for breaking my heart. Thank you once again for killing me. Thank you once again for not telling your decision. Why are all women poor in making decision? I know you are two steps ahead then all men. Good luck to you! May you and your husband will make you happy for ever and ever. Good bye DEAR, Good bye DEAR!

Just one day

Life is just like this, we always have to learn from every day lesson we learn in life. I had a job called paper delivery I used to do but now I am alone. It is one of good thing that my good friend gave me the job but it really feels bad when you are doing nothing and you are alone, wasting your time. Sometime I often think why so many people in world are depressed is this whole world is made for only rich people? And why people are depressed commit suicide? Why so many people do not want to live and die the death with honors? This world is not for us. You know why? Because it belongs to those who are doing badly in every day context in every situation. If you take a path of complete truth you will reach no where. Probably you will land to some desert just doing some meditation or will become complete monk but if you will take a path of complete false, speak lie every day and take a wrong way then one day you will end up to highest ranging business executive or you may even become a great politician leading your country. This is what the life is like this. Bob Marley wanted to create peace in whole word and wanted to remove racism from whole word. He thought that music can be used to remove the racism and create peace in world. Well, he could not succeed neither did the Beatles nor any one will ever can create the peace or remove racism from this world. Where there are good things there should be bad things. A single person life is nothing. It is not the script of his own but he can change his destiny by changing the way he thinks. Let me give you an example, If I were smoking 16 yrs of my life can I just quit smoking from the day I will think that I do not want to smoke anymore ? Think on that. I know no body will and there can hardly anyone who will quit it but I can say to you, “you can!”Life is just like this... Today is completing different then tomorrow and tomorrow we do not know what is going to happen. I am not feeling good; I do not know….Life is so boring I do not have anything to do... I am alone… I am depressed … I do not want to write because I am complete looser… why to live a life of complete dull? No skills no talents…. There are more than million writers writing in this world … every body wants to be famous writer… I am no writer. I am no engineer. I could not even be paper delivery boy. Now what Santosh? Will it be good to commit suicide and quit the world? Think my dear think!

Well, when I start to think and think that can I kill myself I remember her, I remember the people associated with me. If tomorrow I am no more what people will talk about me, they will say- “This guy was complete psycho, thanks god he died” what would my father do ? What will he think, who is investing some more than 12 thousand Euro for the studies which hardly can even give some job. I remember the hard work he himself is doing to earn a single penny. I remember when he still is working very hard, for whom? It must be for his children and his children are we. If I do something stupid tomorrow then I will make so many people sad and they will be blamed for what I would do. Well, it is good to live a life of dull, looser, complete asshole and coward then just kill yourself. Those who do think of killing themselves should think about the person associated with them before killing oneself. If you are killing yourself then you are killing everybody around you. Always remember everybody will get his/her turn. We all were born and we all have to die one day. No one can change it. No science, no god and no magic. It is the fact and truth, so why to change this on our own. We cannot decide what is going to happen next no matter what? We are humans and we will be humans, we can have vision, we can share our thoughts we can build great infrastructure we can conquer Mount Everest and land to moon but we cannot change the next 25 seconds of our life. This is truth.
Believe it or not, we all are destined to do something in this world and we all got some kind of talent, It is the time … and the time we realize we got this or that talent we will live with peace and happiness around us.

Happy New Year 2008

Welcome to new year 2008. What is the difference in 2008 and 2007 don't you think these are just the numbers ? or do you think something else. Well, if you think something else then, think again ! Nothing is different it is us who always think that we have to make something different in different situations. Every day is the same and every day it our human nature which do not like to do the same thing again and again. It might be our brain which always wants to do something different but why ? The main cause of wanting something new is for the progress, for development for acheivement and for ideal and inner safety.

The new number is soon going to be update in every calendar, every time table and so and so things. What is 2008 ? It is the same day with different inner interpretaions, with new hope and with wanting of change in inner, outer and self. We expect something from this number that is why we like to say that "Happy new year Mr.X" We want to change because we are not satisfied and we have not reached the goal we wanted in life. We love this new number because we think we like to have celebration ! We celebrate in this New number may be beacuse we think this number will bring something new in our life and will make some different in our life. We say that it is new year may be because it is our hope and to hope is to expect to think that we are not perfect.

If we break these words then they are 3 different words which says- Happy
New, and Year which all have different meaning. Happy or Happiness is state of mind which cannot be permanet, New is for difference something which has not been done before, something which is different, creation,invention etc.., and there is third word which says year- Well, year is year. What are we expecting in 2008 ? What are we thinking in 2008 ? Why are we using the word Happy New Year 2008 ? or Happy New Year 2008 ? Will the combination of 3 words make a person happy ? Do people think that world will be better place to live by simply combining these words ? If you think "yes", then think again.

No body had defined the word life, love, difference,happy,death,live,women,peace and religion. No body can define it and No one will think of accepting it. Every body has their own version and defintion of these words. No body wants to accept and just listen to someone ideas, views and thoughts. I do not the question itself called "why" which cannot be described.

Well, Whatever be the case and My own experience and knowledge do not let me accept the fact that people should use just the word if they think or expect the change to occur in some body else life. If you can really make the difference then please use it.The difference can be made by being together sharing the moments, sharing ideas, sharing food, sharing emotions and most importantly by sharing the happyness which itself is mysterious.

Last but not the least-"Happy New Year 2008" !

I do not want to give some mere hope to you all but i would like to say that just take it easy, and be yourself- does not matter the difference in number, or difference is some body else's attitude.

I will kill myself

Price you pay for having to deal with those minor problems is far less than the price you pay for not recognizing they are yours.Every thing that happens in our life is our fault and ours alone.I feel like i will kill myself. I have lost a interest in any aspect of life. I know one day we all are going to die. why not now ? what is the use of living a life when you are sure that one day you will be dieying.I will not earn a fame in one day. No body knows me. who am i ? why am i here in this planet? what is my purspose of living a life which is so meaningless to me? I dont think i will live now. I will kill myself. Life starts first., we grow.to some age then we start studying. why to study ? To earn a certificate. why to get certificate ? To get a job ? why to get a job ? To earn a money ? why to earn a money ? To live life full of joy. To eat good food. Why to eat ? To survive. Why to survive ? To Die.

I am going to kill myself. Thank you for reading this. Hope you get what you want in your life. May god bless you all. Bye Bye !!!