Good bye, DEAR!

These words will not bring you back to me, these are only words and what I am writing and these words will not value as much the feeling going deep inside my heart for you. Remember the promises we made, remember the last day we hug each other, the day when I have to return to my home. I will never forget those days until I am dead, the day when your father and I was having lunch together and you were serving it. What went wrong, it’s my entire fault. I am no good writer. I wrote what I felt for you. I did the mistake of writing the 200 pages of diary just for you and your father got that dairy. I never wrote that I am in love with you but the reader will surely get this idea that some romantic guy is behind this. I was wrong. Yes, “you were right” you can never be with me. I know. May be I was wrong, I didn’t knew that I liked you. I still do not know but I really wanted to be with you till death. I know that is not possible. You are going to get married with someone; it was long back you said you are going to get married with him. I still have those emails that you wrote to me. I do not know. It was your one sentence that made me quit smoking that I was smoking for last 16 or so year. Who says, that habit cannot be changed in one day. I can prove them wrong. I am no more smokers. I don’t know may be you do not want to contact me anymore, that am why you asked him not to give your email or contact address. Your mobile numbers have been changed or you rather changed it. Thank you! Why didn’t you say directly to me that you do not love me? Why? What is the worth of living since you are not with me anymore? The whole world is beneath this word called “Love” I know I do not have that moment when I can feel, share and love the love. I am so unfortunate to not have you. I do not want to live a life just like that. I do not want anybody except you. I know why you did not say that, “you do not love me” For you life is all about your family, you live for your family, you are so responsible, and that is good. You did not want to hurt me, by not letting me know the truth. Well, thank you very much! I was alone in dark. I thought we are two. Thank you for ignoring me. Thank you for doing whatever you felt. Next time when I came to your city, it was just to talk with you. I came some 4000km alone just I thought I will speak with you. But again it was just once. I realize the mistake I did. I should not have said those words since I did not know what I was talking. May be again my poor English. I misunderstood it, your words. I was trying to convince you but you again thought I am up to something else. I never wanted to hurt you but now no one ever can hurt me too. Life is nothing without the love. You have found your ideal match in your life, Be happy and take care but please let me once know when you are going to get married with him, so that I too can decide my own marriage. I am man of my words, let me prove it. Give me one chance. Please Please, I beg you for that.
I have always done wrong for you, the things I never wanted to do wrong to you. I always wanted to good but every step I took was mistake. May be the script written did not matched. What I was doing did not go correct with what unknown has written for me. This is mysterious. No body would understand and nobody can understand. I am dying to see your email. I am searching for your name. I am crying every day and night to know where you are and what you doing/. May be this is another mistake, may be this is wrong. Thank you once again for breaking my heart. Thank you once again for killing me. Thank you once again for not telling your decision. Why are all women poor in making decision? I know you are two steps ahead then all men. Good luck to you! May you and your husband will make you happy for ever and ever. Good bye DEAR, Good bye DEAR!

Sorry mom !!!

I was not in any circumstances to kill myself or to do any harm to any animal or living being or to myself. I am a writer and I write. According to the studies I came to knew that in west suicide rate is very high but why? I myself wanted to feel this experience why people are more depressed here. There was not any intention to do any kind of test or something like that. Now, I think that I have two moms who are watching me, caring me and giving me all the love that I need in any circumstances. Thank you for taking care. Now I have learnt this lesson, the lesson is:

People only go mad when they try to escape from the routine. I took a risk of being different; it’s not my personal intention to attract the audience. Every human being is unique, each with their own qualities, instincts, forms of pleasure and desire for adventure. Have you ever met anyone in your entire life who asked why the hands of clock should go in one particular direction and not in the other?
If someone were to ask, the response they got would probably be:” you’re mad.” God did not create a single leaf the same as another. People go against nature because they lack courage to be different.
Why some one would want to destroy himself or herself why? The reason is according to me, every human being has a desire and with desire comes dissatisfaction, and a dissatisfied man is full of misery, even if he has at hand the pleasure that the world can give him. We act in order to be happy and then we are surprised that the happiness does not last, and we look for other things, and the same pattern is repeated. So,

All our pleasures are connected with our deeds. I promise to my mom that I would not write or do that mistake again in my entire life. It was just my visualization of the fact. And I am really sorry if it has done any harm to anybody. I am convinced that we people are destined to perform special task and it is up to us as to how efficiently we can perform them. I believe that hard work is the chariot to success and one should not undertake a task and if he does, one should perform it to the best of his caliber. I hope I have not done big mistake and even if I have Please forgive me mom. Thanking you with anticipation!