Phobia of a sort

Each morning, when I wake up, there is a passionate desire and energy in my veins to improve the world and enjoy zillion moments of so-called simple human life. But, it is extremely difficult to make successful plans on any given day and not everything is in our control.

It was bright, and sunny, clear blue sky above somewhere very high in the sky. Looking outside my glassy window, I was just thinking if I would ever make it to the earth and, whenever the whisper was “maybe”, I felt much more terrified. 

This morning was different as I woke up thousands of feet above the ground level hovering, within my airplane’s back seat. There was a flight entertainment system that displayed distance to destination and estimated arrival time, and I was simply looking at it. As a Nepali engineer, the problems that I am trying to solve might not create ‘ripple effect’ in the entire universe, nor will it be covered by major media outlets, and who cares if I am simply terrified 5,000 feet above the ground level. 

I know nobody cares, but I do care about my fear. While flying, I cannot simply hover around and look at the scenic beauty of clouds, but I always find myself mixed between these non-linking thoughts. There is a sense of anxiety while flying, which I was trying to smoothen with my life’s uselessness. Not only am I filled with ‘what if’ questions but also with the sense of tremendous fear and lonesomeness. Some alarming questions that pop-up in my mind: what happens if I die flying; what if I will never land on the ground; what happens to my life’s earnings; what happens to my poor family; who will take care of my beloved wife and what not.

No way, it was not my first flying experience. Many people suffer from the fear of flying. People say that they are fearful when they are inexperienced and when they travel more, it just transforms into a habit, and then they feel less anxious. However, my journey into the air has always just been the opposite. Unlike those who never fear flying, I have been most fearful while flying. There are unnecessary thoughts and feelings that are extremely difficult to eradicate. No one is left alone, either in the sky or on land. Everybody is part of this big Mother Nature, and we have to adjust our feelings based on the changing circumstances and requirements. Some consolation comes from reading recent flight traffic data: more than 30 million people fly every day. Indeed, I am not alone. 

Roosevelt once pointed out that the “only thing we have to fear is the fear itself.” But every time I think of flying modern commercial airlines, I feel humankind has transformed.

Published: The Himalayan Times

Care of Nature

Many of the times we are terrified and we just follow what others do, we visit temples, go and pray want to be in a community or of some religious group. All these are the signs of wanting a care. We all need a proper care. Just like a mother cares for a child, We need a proper care.

Who is responsible when for our caring ? Is it some stone that we worshiped every day or is it our family ? Is it the temples we visit and mantras we chant. Is it the all these that care us ? I do not think so- just because these are tradition every one follows it and no body has got anything from it. Yeah to some extent a peace, a silence of mind is the result but nothing beyond.

A care is done by "Nature". We are natural animals. We live in this pleasant nature and one day we are buried to the nature itself. Literally it might sound non-sense but every does not have to have sense. It is true and that is what I think. Our body outer part is skin and when we run, work or do any thing in a sunny day that results in a mud from a skin too. Skin is capable of being burnt, it cannot resist extreme heat, extreme cold or extreme any of the things.

When we need a shade, there are loads of trees near us. When we need to take bath there are lakes and sea where we can jump. When we need something we always get it from Nature. The total care of our body is done by Nature in return one day we have to give it all back to it. We always fear of death but death is the smallest debt we pay back to Nature after entire care done by it.

We live our life and we become just like a person our society wants us to become. There are always circumstances that make the person weak or strong or criminal or terrorist. No one is born terrorist or bomber. We are just treated like that by the society and the people with whom we are influenced. We are just a normal humans and we all can be changed in different ways depending upon the circumstances and situation. We just need a proper care and that proper care is done not by any person or individual but the Nature.

Believe it or not. It is just not a fake story but the reality. Why are we so fatigue to the all the Natural things in the world. We are burn when the fire comes close to our body, we get cold, heat, rays of light or we are fearful, we show different emotions based on these circumstance that Nature presents. It is by the Nature we are living and it is for the Nature we are living and it will be for the Nature we will survive for a certain period of the time in our life.

Greatest fear we have is death, which is nothing but the concept. Who will come after the death and tell you the story that I went to heaven and I went to hell just because it is written in some text here to read us and get addict to it. It is total nonsense which will make sense only when there is no existence of the entire human beings. What happens when you go to bed ? You fall asleep and you go the state called as Unconsciousness that state is described as the stage where nothing works or nothing is happening. In that state you are dead. The stage where there is no return but later next day you wake up why ? You wake up just because you have something you left the previous day as pending. You have to wake up because the Nature wants you to do something for it. It wants you to be alive and do some task before the final sleep.

A simple explanation is that- We need a care, care of parents when we are small kids, care of girl friends or wife when we are adult and young, care of again kids or our parents and later care of ourselves. But above all these, we need a care of Nature to really be cared. Without the care of Nature we are nothing. We are therefore regarded as the child of Nature.

Save an ant.

I always explain most of the times about the beautiful morning. Now let us explain about something else. Many people like me are keeping blogs, they are writing based on the topic they are skillful, intelligent and experts on. What if some one is not experience ?

When you are not experience then very few people read to your blogs. It does not matter to me how many people I have to attract and what would be the techniques to attract them. I write just because I feel to put these words in Internet therfore some of these words will make some sense to the people and they will learn, get some good idea and turn them into their own realities.

I am a messeger of the creator. I just want to spread his messege to all of us living in the planet. The messege of total peace and calmness. The messege of unforgetable and memorable dreams. The messege of love, a messege full of stories. These stories are made automatically every day. I do not know where these things come from but they do come.

Summer is here, sun is out. The place where darkness covers most of the months. People are glad to see the sunny afternoons and longer days. Light is always there during 10pm in night too. Isn't it amazing ? It is nice to see hot sunny days, bring joy in your face, smile even if you do not have any reasons to, you feel talking with others and others feel talking with you.

Everything is different but nothing I see as different. I see the taste of music as the same, I think music has no language, since music do not have any language and it creates the sense of feeling which speaks only one language directly with our heart. Why are we creating the fight with language, culture, country, ethinicity, race and many other non-relevant matters ?

The purpose of living does not allow us to do harm to others. When you see an ant in the street what would you do ? Would you step on it or you will do not step over it ?
The decision is totally yours, you make the choice-you have freedom of speech and expression, you have the freedom of making your personal choice but why are you not letting an ant make its own personal decision ? Why do you step over it even if you see it and it is under your feet ?

We do it just because sometimes we feel, we are stronger and sometimes we do it just becasue we are not feeling good. I have seen many such kind of people who does it but it depends.

Let the ant live its own life. Please do not every intentionally kill it. It has a life. It also want to live. Think before you step over an ant. Think you first as you are an ant. Then think will it be good to step over it. Suppose, you are going to meet your ant wife and some big giant human is going to step over you. You want to give a suprise to your ant wife for a weekend, you bought a good food for her. She is expecting you and she is thinking about your past life, your beautiful kids, your own first meeting with her near some park where all the ants where searching for food.

Unfortunately some big giant human step over you and you are dead. Imagine a situation, the husband ant is killed. It was his bad fortune. He did not expected that he will not ever see his wife after long long time but unfortunately some psyco human killed him. What would happen to the ant wife ? Will she wait but how long ? How long would she wait ? She waited, waited and finally some other friends of an ant reported to her that he was killed in the road accident.

Imagine a situation, please if you see the ant please think in the way I think. You will do a great thing by not stepping over an ant. You will save two lives. By the shock of an husbad ant, wife ant also decided to kill herself. She had an heartattack and finally she died.

The morale of the story is that-we do all the activities in our life but knowingly or unknowingly we do some things which might be useless to us but it could be a entire life for others. I do not want every one to see their footsteps all the time but please when you walk just check it sometimes when your heart says it to you. Then when you are in such situttion do not step over an ant. The ant will be killed. Therefore do not kill it, save it. It might save your life in someother way oneday-who knows !

Life without you.

Women are powerful, women are creative and women are most beautiful animal GOD has ever made. They are much more stronger than all we men. Men may have the powerful muscles but women has powerful brains. They are naturally strong because of what they have to go through every month.

Why are women most beautiful than men ? Their may be thousand of reasons behind that- It may be because of the structure they have which is quite different than all men. It may be because they are universal receivers. It may be because they have thousand of capabilities to take things for granted.

When it comes to relationship, it is different. As the relationship needs the combination of two people it needs the commitment of both girl and boy. We are in the world where two are quite different in the way they think, in the way they talk and in the way they live their life.


Women knows the reality despite that also she won't forget to do makeups, she knows that one day all her make up is going to be useless but instead of that she wont' forget to put it on. My personal experiences says I have seen many women wearing makeup even in her late 70's. What might be the reason behind that ?

Is it because they still believe they are attractive ? Is it because they think they should all the time put it ? Is it because they are given impression that they are beautiful animal in the world. Whatever might be the reason one reason is common to attract men.

Selection is big process for them, they will go out date with those guys who they like, they will make love with those guys who they wish to and they will break up with those guys who they don't want to stay with. In the process of relationship, it is mainly their decision that counts. It is the decision of women that matters and sometimes even hurts.

Women always wants to show off, but it can be limited. It is not true with all women. Mostly they would like to show to other women how much beautiful they are, how good men they are playing with and how their life is better than any other women. Therefore some body rightly made an statement that "All women like famous men".

To sum up, as summing up cannot be determined in case of women- I would say that women are beautiful, you must go out with her, make love with her , try to show that you like her or love her or do whatever she asks from you in spite of all these you will have to know one fact that you are still alone and she is never going to die for you.

Thanks God, you are ALIVE.

Thanks GOD !I am alive.Live in a moment, talk with the your self and be humble to yourself. I always talk about these things and will talk about these aspects of life because these aspect will teach you how to live a life.

Their are thousand wishes in my life and I want all of my wishes to get fulfilled. Every time I wake up early in the morning sipping my morning coffee reminds me that I have to do this, I have to do that and so on.

These things which I have "TODO" are those wishes and these wishes I want to get them fulfilled. How do I do it ? Well, Its very simple. First take the the first work you want to work and then just go through it, be focused on what you have to do, Secondly Remember the time given or assign for the work. If you feel you are over doing it leave it carry on with the Next Work and so on.

These are one way you can work out with your daily work. I am getting late, this is the first feeling that comes in my mind always. I have made my daily activities as the compulsion to myself. Either I should do it or I should never do it.

It is very difficult to work out like this way but I am addicted to what I do. I am not addicted to Internet, I also have testified with it and found out the results that I am not. But I am addicted to my own self.

Results of any work does not matter as long as you are more concentrated on the work. If you are worried about the results you will not be focus, if you think about result and are more result oriented or output oriented then you are more likely to fall in dark pond.

You got to be focus on what you do, what you like most, what makes you happy and cheerful, what small things you like yourself or of some one. You got to see and find out for yourself. These little things, these activities will remind you that you are ALIVE. These activities will tell you later when you are old that you lived your life. You have nothing to loose. These will tell you that you had a brilliant life.

Lessons learn in life will be never be finished and will never finish. I look different to others because others are different than me. I am annoying to them because they are annoying to themselves. I am rude to them because they feel I am rude. These are the facts or impression people keep of you.

Today, is brilliant day ! See the patterns in the sky every day they are different. Why ? These different patterns in sky are their to bring some smile on your face, See the colors of flowers- The variety of them with different colors-these are their to tell you that you don't have to like one of them but surely you will like one of them. Cheer up !


(Picture taken from:http://mirror-uk-rb1.gallery.hd.org/_exhibits/flowers/
poppy-flowers-vivid-red-in-field-at-Musselburgh-Scotland-1-OGS.jpg )

Object near us.

When we are in one place, one country and one culture the main idea is that we get acquainted with the object around it. What I mean to say is Suppose we are in one country for some specific period of time then we start being close to that country, their people, culture and tradition.

We get used to the things we are close to us and some way we develop a mechanism where we talk with them. I know it is funny but this is what happens. We talk with these object and when we are alone these object will teach us many different things in many different ways.

When we go to the new places suddenly then it is difficult for us to get used to that place, the object close in that place and basically those objects thing that why to talk with this person ? Why to trust him ? What is that we will have common in us ? Therefore it is difficult for both us and elements present around us to communicate.

Now there is also many different issues,which are unnoticed. The main issue is it takes time to adopt, get acquainted and feel the environment or get used to it. But I would rather say Time is movement. When we move we generate or go step further and that is time.

Well, take an example of being alone in a room for some 1 year and suddenly move to another place and to another room. Will their be any difference ? The answer is given above. But you can surely argue this with me because we live in free world and every body has rights to express their opinion and we should value each of them.

M

The letter "M" can have thousand different meaning. If you see it, it is just a letter but once we start seeing it or longer than 2 sec then we start interpreting the letter to make words.

The mind will tell us not just to stop by seeing the letter "M" but to start thinking on our own and making the assumption based on the letter "M". This is how our mind works. We first see the things or object and then we start making our own views of that object.

No body tells us anything about it. It basically comes from the level of knowledge we have acquired and the level of our understanding and learning. It also depends on how fresh our mind thinks on various aspect of object or matter or things. It is our way of looking the letter M.

To some people M really means money, to some it might mean "Men" and to some it also can mean "Move" or what so ever. This is our interpretation and our way of thinking about it. When we are in need of money then the first thing we will think about the object M is Money. When we are in need of desire and we want to get wet we will think of Men and when we are in the state where we can help others it might also mean Morality. It also can be "Mess" when we are disturbed or more specifically when our mind is disturbed.

Their was one person named Veronica she was very beautiful and her mind was constantly changing all the time. She could not decide what she wants in her life. She asked to me,"I do not know what is that going in mind". Will you tell me what I want. I have everything, I have good job, I have good salary and I have very beautiful car but despite having all those things I am not feeling well. I could not figure out what I want in my life.

I told her that you have everything. You are completely fulfilled with all those things that you ever wanted but the main thing you are missing is love in simple terms and sex in real terms.Its not just sex you need but the satisfaction in sex. Do not get me wrong but the fact is I don't know if you had sex or not but if you had sex you are lacking that satisfaction in sex. What I think is their are always two level of satisfaction in the sex both from men and women perspective.

The person whom you are engaged with will surely is lacking something which is not making you satisfy or he could not satisfy you. It might be also the way you look at that person(object) or he looks at you(object). What we see lies in our way of thinking.

She asked again what should i do now ? I could not understand your speech, its very philosophical and boring. I said in simple terms- First concentrate, Second be silent and third take rest for a week or two. What do you mean to say ?, "Veronica asked". Do you ever remember when was the last time you visited the church ? She said, "it has been very long time". The places like church, temples and holy places similar to that are for all humans go visit and concentrate to know your self. So, The very first task you do is concentrate. She started visiting the church thereafter for couple of weeks regularly whenever she felt and slowly everything went fine with her. Couple of days back she called me and said- "Thank you".


This is the first phase of living a life. She got passed in the first phase so I do not have to tell her other phases and their are many different things in the first phase itself.Therefore "M" can stand for either "Men", "Money", "March","Moral" ...

It all depends on our way of thinking and realizing about any object or things.


(Picture taken from:http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/
images/homepage/2402_cerys_01.jpg )

Move on

Life is full of struggle, surprises, events unexpected and their are times in life when we will feel that we are going down, their are times in life when we are so depressed that we do not want to talk with anyone and do not want to share our feelings, their are times in life when we lack support, enthusiasm, effort to move forward.

It has nothing to do with the present but it has something to do with our self. Our image and our self consciousness that is why we feel depressed. We always assume that we have achieved something in our life but we have done nothing till date. We are just another brick in the wall. As Pink Floyd song goes "Another brick in the wall" Sometime we feel that Nothing is going to be done by us and nothing will make any change just because of us. But those feelings are not always the same. We fluctuate through the time and moment because we are just like a wind. We blow but we do not care about the obstacles we have to face we blow because our nature is to blow.

I remember today I was walking in very slippery road. I knew any time i may fall down. This was there in my mind that I may fall down. I slowly and gradually was moving but suddenly I started to fall at that moment I was not thinking that I am going to fall down or I was not cautious about it. I knew nothing that I am going to fall down. This is similar to our life. We are afraid of death and when we are afraid of death our death will not come but when we do not expect the death that very moment the death comes and we are gone from this whole earth. That is what I am trying to say from the very moment of my whole life. Expect the unexpected in life.

Do not agree with me but one day you will. I know what we expect we do not get often because this is how it is. Expect the unexpected in life, love and relationship.Therefore life is all about living the moments not living the entire age. I do not want to live my life just because I have to live for so and so years but I want to live my life because I have so and so moments that I cherish which I always like to rejoice and repeat, which reminds me that I am alive in present and I am living at this very moment.


Last night I saw a death accident picture in my friends place, Friend said, "What is the human life look, nothing !" I did noticed and care what he said or what one has to say about it but I realize and felt the expression he made. The expression said it all. We do not have to say or talk about it in detail or make an issue out of any other things. The expression says it all.

When we two human beings are close to each other- Expression is the best way to know what other is going through. Nothing else is needed.

Anyways as a wind we are, let's move on-I am not afraid of falling down because I know I will learn when I will fall down and start to move on again. I know that me falling down teaches me how to move again. I am not afraid to say something or write something that I like because I know if tomorrow I do mistakes their are thousand people like me who will teach me how to write. I am not afraid of hearing the sound of birds because I know those birds will tell me what to listen to and what not to. I am not afraid of falling down because I know if i remove "f" from "life" I am doing something wrong with my own self.

Move on... Move on and Let's move on ...



(Picture from: http://tuneupyoureq.com/wp-content/2007/11/resilient2.jpg)

Fear of Failure

Fear of failure is very good thing, i am afraid i think i will not clear my master's. Why am i worried so much may be because if i will fail in this subject i will not be able to live here. Who is going to give me money ? What would happen if i will fail. Surely, I am going to be depressed. I am depressed now and i will be more depressed. Is there any alternative with this ? What if i fail the entire course and not be given chance to write this course again? Why are we afraid of our failures ? Why these failures makes us more depressed ? Why people always smile ? Is living in this planet is all about success and only success. Who thinks Darwin is right ? Struggle for existence. To exist in this planet we have to go through these failures and have to struggle with other species.With the species of our own. We cannot eat each other flesh can we ? The days are not very far. When there will be imbalance then surely the that time we will have to struggle for food. There is vast competition between each of us. Every body is talented. Every body can deliver upto their potential and they are passionate to do the work. Whom to choose ? I myself is trying very hard to get through this but i could not. I ain't got any job. No money, sometimes I listen to this song " I am hustle... am am.. hustle hommie... " Struggling all the way for food, little money to pass this life... and little bit of smile on face. I am worried of failure and i am really worried how to get though this. In life we always something new, always afraid of something and for me i am worried of this failure because this will bring me right down to the earth. I am hopeless,depressed and sad. I am passionately curious but being curious does not give me any pleasure and happiness. Let me see... What happens... Let me pray... Let me have this hope.