Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts

Monday, February 9, 2009

Valentine's Week: Poem of the Week.

Plot: Gloomy Sunday( The day after 14th of Feb, 2009) it is, when a man's love is preparing for her marriage and this young handsome man has decided to take away his life and to rest in peace.

On 15th Feb, 2009 there will be no posting. In memory of this yong man's lady who is marrying on that day.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Sing a happy birthday song.

As I always try to get rid of my fears, they always and most often tend to come during Mondays. The Monday is starting of the week days, it also bring loads of excitment for those who do 10-5 jobs. I do not feel very excited on Mondays. I am really feeling as if this day should never come in my life again.

I do not invite the problems but they come to me. It is very automatic and I never want them to come in my life. I have heard thousand theories that you should not consider the days as good or bad but let it go. However, it does not give me silence.

I want to breath but I could not, I want live in silence but even though it could not come because inside me there is something which is creating loads of problems.

But, Why do I make my readers feel as if I am really depressed. Even though I am not feeling good, I hope you will feel good. Here is what I received in my Inbox couple of days ago from a friends.

The picture shown below is a puzzle that you need to solve.

"Imagine you are in Africa . You have been tied hanging on a tree with
a rope anchored on the ground, a candle is slowly burning the rope,
and the lion is waiting for you to drop and be his lunch."

"Your survival hinges on the rope staying intact, there is no one
around to help you. What to do now ............ "

What would you do ?

Do you have any other option ?

Will you be able to survive ?

If yes, how could you survive ?

Now, do not take it very seriously.

Sing a Happy Birthday song.

Here is what you need to do-

Cheers !

Tuesday, September 2, 2008


Once upon a time there was a man, who was very eager to achieve something in his life. He was dreaming everyday that he will one day fulfill his dreams. No matter what, he was thinking that one day his dreams will become a reality.

Every body around him was joking and laughing at him. He never used to tell to anyone that his dreams are these and he will achieve that dream but one day suddenly some one knew what his dream was. That person started to tell others that his dreams are these. How would you interpret this story now ?

Do you think the other person who guessed the dream of that man really knew the dream ? Do you think that unlike the man who did not wanted to spread the messege of the dream, the other person really should have spreaded the messege across every one around him. Why do a person has to think what is going on somebody else's mind ? It is because, we are living in the world where no body is left alone. We always want to know what is there going on in the other person mind. If we do not know then we will indeed guess.

Every body has some little secret and these little secrets are very important in there life. No body wants to reveal them to anyone. Even though, a person might guess that his secrets are this or that; but that is not the case in most of the times.

The person who is not worried about his own life is not worried of death. The person who is worried about his life is worried from the fear of death. Whatever be the case, there is something which we should not do in real life. We should not try to look in some body else's mind. It is not good idea to guess what is going on some body else's mind and think based on those assumptions.

World is not the way we think. It is beyond our thinking. There are many countries, there are many people, there are many cultures and there are many different tradition. We have to observe these closely, these all are made for us. I do not hate difference simply because there are so many different things like country, culture, race and religion. I hate it because there are people who do not try to see similarities in those differences.

I do not know what a man dream was and I am not into it. I do not want to read the mind of anyone. It is not good to look inside some one else mind. It is very easy though. Dream are very different then the reality and the reality is some what similar to the dreams.

Once I dreamed something and I thought that would not become a reality but One day I found that it was true. How can a dream become true? May be the dream was not for me, it was for some body else. When the dream is of some one else and later after some day you see that it has become true then you feel that your dreams really are true.

Well, Whatever be the case; "Dreams are always shattered by the compromise but still believe in your dreams" One day it might come true.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Unstable mind.

Every day a success does not come you way and the success means not the achievements but getting things done as per your own expectations and experiences.It is not the life but the life with all smaller events that makes life different and challenging.

When a mind is not working prolerly, everything goes wrong and nothing works as per the mind planning activity and as yesterday, today is the same too. A real thing in life is controlling your mind. It is great challenge and the question bigger than the question iteself. It is to our mind which makes our understanding more clear and more specific to the time line or subject line.

When a person knows how to live, he will not know where to go and when he knows how to love he will not know what is love. Everything is so like puzzle and everything has to be first solved by mind. It has to be made very clear and simple. A real challenge is not in living but living with joy and madness. Living full of potential.

A purpose of life and life of purpose is different.When you are angry with yourself everything goes wrong. A person should learn to love himself. A loving part is very difficult and very complicated not because it is for one self but to others as well. One has to learn how to love oneself first. Loving oneself requires great bit of motivation and hard work. How can you love yourself ?

Can you say that your body is nice or you look beautiful or handsome or something like that or can you just say your physical body part is nice and you love yourself or is it different than loving your physical body part.

If it is different than loving your physical body part or is it the same ? How is loving physical body and love different ? Everything when tasted once, and after the liking of thing it becomes habit. Just like an addiction. A cigrate once tasted goes on beyond the likeness and it becomes addiction and later habit. Once it is changed to habit it will not be easily turned back to a normal stage.

Sex is something similar, we just first wants to taste it after getting a good taste of it we want to get more deeper into it. Once we go more deeper taste it usually becomes a addiction, In the process of wanting more then the "want" turns into habit. A habit then does not usually want to change easily.

It goes on and on. Even if you want to change or just think of changing it..,It will not change easily. It will then need a real hard work to let it go or do give up the habit that you have adapted. How many of us will live without sex ? How many of the kinds that are present in this world will live as per them and not per others. ? The last question means, can you live as per your heart ? Can you go and do everything as per you own mind surely it will be difficult because we get influenced by outside or outside society. We generally do not go and live as per our own heart.

A big challenge is living a life just as we want and not as others will make us to live. It is good to look at ours own personal habit and do things according to the personal desire. The mind which is disturbed will always talk disturbing things and the mind which is stable, cool and calm is relaxed mind. A relaxed mind will give best even in the times of difficulty.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Spirituality and Science

A soul which is pure always asking question and always eager to know more. A soul of human is not similar to the last statement. Many of the times humans are not asking or are not eager to know only because people think everything is explanatory. People sometime just assume something by themselves, when you assume any sort of activities by yourself then you are not trying to know.

A friend who are close to me once said-you can write whatever you get or you just need a small event and you can describe it in your words very easily. Such statement is not encouraging but at the same time it is too much of encourage. A person's ability to do something or not to do something is not known to him but to his friends, fellow mates or some body who is just admirer. I do not take such statement in a negative way but I take it as compliment.

How many of us believe in the fact that a black cat when crosses the road and you pass from the road is the bad sign for yourself ? Many in our country has such believe and it is assumed that such event is not good, many of the times you got to avoid the cat crossing in front of you. Many people let others go before they cross the road. Today, morning I just saw a black cat I was hoping it should not cross the road that I have to cross but to my surprise it did, and I have to cross the road the cat crossed.

When I came back home, I realize yes to some extent it has wrong effect on a person's life not because it was just normal everything and today I did not get any opportunity to do what I was thinking. There was a failure. A failure of my mind. I was predicting something bad is going to happen and it happened.

Many of us will not believe such myth but some times we have to believe the smallest of the fact presented to us, told to us by our elders. It is just like a story and some stupid misconception but yet we have to face the consequences. It is the life and we have to take both the path of spirituality and science. One can clap from one hand by pressing his/her hand in the desk and striking it many times but a real clap is when two hands are strike several times. A real sound of clap comes then not when you strike it to some object.

Magic is there when our eyes could not believe something or some scene when happening in front of our eyes. If I will say, I saw a women wearing a beautiful sari flying in a sky-who is going to believe me ? Science does not give us permission to think that there could be any human who will be self-capable of flying. Spirituality let us believe that yes, there could be some superpower which will make anything possible.

Till date there has been a lot of problems from the Nature which still remain a mystery and it will loads of time before it gets solved or I would say it is almost impossible to solve every problems we face in day to day life. One can make it possible only for himself or herself but not for all.

HOping that Saturday will bring a joy and lot of pleasure in your beautiful face so that you will smile in smaller events that will go unnoticed. Those periods are yours, truly magnificent and amazing life changing. It is the time which belongs to you and only you no one can ever take that beautiful lasting smile from you. It is due to the presence of yourself in the moment and the moment was the moment you were fully present in the real world. You were not thinking anything about life, career, or anything else but you were thinking about the moment you were present in. A moment of joy which bought you some smile in your face. A smile could not be easily gained without the satisfaction of self. Whatever you have done or you will do is just a way of living a life. It is excuse but the happiest moments are those which will remain some where in your memory stored.

You will remember them only when you will feel alone or lonely, You will want those moments to be back again but that would not come again just because those moments were just once and only once. Right now, my fingers are on the computer keyboard these hands will are letting me know that I am creating something and these creation are not just a simple text but the lesson that a person has learnt in his entire life, which could be somehow beneficial to you. Everything lies in giving not taking. One can belong to any of these categories- either you give entire your life or you take in your life. A person who is capable of giving is full of love and a person who is not is not.

Have a great weekend !

Friday, May 23, 2008

Long long day

A good painful morning startup, just woke up in from the low bed of mine. It was very painful in the legs, thighs, and even the some part of lungs. With all the very pain I woke up thinking today is the day and there are many stuffs to work out for. It is not easy as it looks easy to survive.

First task was to reach the university and do the blood test. These blood test that I have been doing for last couple of weeks is very scary. They put a big syringe in your middle of arm and some times they even say you that, "Your veins are very small, I could not find it". With the movement of syringe from on place to next they make you feel as if you are really sick.

However, It is for your benefit and it is good to follow the rules when you are benefited. Therefore I started a day with the blood test. Although I was fortunate to eat something, and one peace of boiled eggs it was good. Just after the morning breakfast, it was a time to start the day.

Now I went to University gave a blood test. The result showed it was a bit higher then expected. She gave me good suggestions, and tips on what to do and what not to do. It was asked to take the X-ray test in the center or city center. I do not want to take X-ray test but I have to because it will show my bones and the real picture which will try to explain what is the important.

Then My mind asks me to visit to the center just because I had to renew my visa for the next academic session. I went to the Bank and took the statement that was required for the Visa, finally I went to Police Station where they renew the Visa. The procedure took place and it worked out well.

Finally I had to visit the Posti Office for the training of the work. I went to the Office and started to work out in Training session. It was fun. It was interesting and only hope after all the discussion was to find a bike to find a work. It is not difficult to find a bike to get the work.

Now I am like a man with only bones left. It seems as if I am dieying and soon going to heaven. It really was tiresome. It was very awful, painful and good starter day. The time spent was 8-9 hours in the center. Finally drive in your bicycle to the 5km to your room. Oh, Thanks god that is what you need now, Then nothing stops because that is the place where you have to return just only you are going to sleep in that place.

Some how managed to reach the place and finally prepared a food to eat and now writing these stories of long long day. Isn't it amazing ? A great startup, how about now a good sleep.

I feel as if I am going to sleep forever, people might feel it is derpession, it is just an anger that a people is showing but the life will not let you tell you what to d oand what not to do. It is always your faith your disicison that makes you the life easier later. It is the way it is.

As if I am not in mood now to write or work out writing some stupid stories which will make not any sense to all the sensual people in the world. Enjoy and have fun in your life too, before it gets too late. Some times the way you predict, or see the future-is exactly the similar what happens. Enjoy and really be cool as Ice in your neck.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Monday again.

I have to accept the fact that some Monday could be good too, I remember last Monday writing about the Monday and the consequences I face on this day. Today it was not like that. It came up with some good and surprises.

I always believe in the fact that Nothing is in our hand. It is written some where, we cannot find that place, we cannot determine what is it, we just can assume, we just have to leave it to our fate, faith, religion, culture and our core values, most importantly to our heart.

People will be there around you, people will be close to you and people will be far from you. It is not the distance it is the love, it is the moments you shared, it is the laugh,smile, cry, worries, problems, all these creates the moment and once these moments are created it will become a part of life. Once these moments become a part of life, it is with us. It is constantly reminding to go back. It ask our mind to go back in the same moment, do the same things, laugh the way you did or eat the food you enjoyed eating or preparing.

Surprises are good, satisfaction is better. Sorrows are better Sadness is worse. Why do we get into habit of being sad when we know we are here to enjoy. Just enjoy your day-live a life with joy and happiness. Try to share the feelings even though other person does not want to listen-tell him/her if you feel telling your things.

Trust is build once you share your feelings, people start to believe in you once you do not hide, or do not lie. Truthfulness gives you the trustfulness.
The process of life continues like the it has to. There would be people around you and there would not be people around you. Many of our worries are due to the fact that we want, desire, need something. Those things make our mind to worry and go in the direction to get what we desire, want or need. When we go in the direction of our mind we go nowhere. We are going to end up in the way every body does and every body will.

Once we set up one environment we are just the person doing the same thing as others are doing. Who do not have work ? Almost many of them have. Who do not have degree ? Almost many of them have and you want it or you have it too. Who do not have a car ? Many of them have and many of them will have. These basic necessity turns in to the dream, or goal, or passion in our life. Once we change we go in the direction of our mind. When we go in the direction of our mind we will reach in getting what we desire, want or need but we will not see what we could have achieved, done, or learn, or given to this mother earth.

I have seen many people who wants to take, who wants to have something in there life- I have never seen any person who wants to give. Only because people are afraid of giving then taking. It is easier to ask than to give when not asked.

Understanding the psychology of human, and the psychology of the person who created the world is different. I went to the center today with couple of friends. I was feeling tired and sat in the middle of the highway where there was one chair to sit. It was in the side of the highway near the pedestrian path.

While I was watching all those busy people driving there car and going very fast. I realized that they are going nowhere. People are running after something that is not important at all. It is necessity but at the same time the total rush is for nothing. We are very busy that we do not have time to pray. Some times I think-people like the word busy then being busy.

However, It does not matter as long as I was taking rest and enjoying the people around me running and thinking they are running after nothing. It was pleasant to see all the similar men like me who were wearing somewhat similar clothes then I was, only basic difference was they were driving the vehicle,Many of them were also staring at me just may be because I look as if I have just arrived from jungle.

Surprises can happen, and it is in the hand and book of those who had created us. Who had sent us to this place for the good deeds. Thanks to him, his men and him surprises. I would like to see him someday and enjoy a greatest party with him that I could not imagine I would get it in this earth.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Welcome Spring !

Fight is not between you and me. I am not alone. I am with one person inside me who controls me, takes me to what I want to go and again asks me or reminds me that whatever I am doing is right.It is not with any body outside me, it will never be any physical person outside me. I do not want to fight or talk or give importance of my words, my writing, my articles all the stuffs that start with "my" or some how is attached with the "my", I do not want to give values to these stuffs. I know these are temporary and they will be temporary forever for me at least.

From today onwards, it seems that Spring has started in Finland. Today morning when I woke up it was bright sunny day with a temperature of +10 degree centigrade. I suddenly felt the heat in my bed which I was not seeing for last 3-4 months.

The heat of sun was missing, the brightness was missing and everything else that was useful or that I think is useful was missing. I don't know why it is like that but I do not care as long as I think it is useful. I am watching movie right now and typing. It does not make me some kind of genius or I am not imitating some one. The early blossom of flower, the sun rays falling in the flower and the smell of all these events remind of deep breathtaking silence of life, culture, values, trust and truthfulness.

I learn one good thing today, It was that I have a good friend with whom I am doing my many of the courses together, He is very helpful and helping me a lot. On a discussion, We talked about the Surname of Finnish Men. The Surname of Finnish Men has great meaning attach to it. Previously their do not used to have a surname in a Finnish name. It makes sense to me. It is somehow similar to what I usually think about the surname. Why is whatever I think or have thought in the past are all correct and matching a lot in Finland.

Was I previously somehow connected to this place ? Is this my next re-incarnation. Is this my second life ? Why some times I feel that whatever I am experiencing here has been already done by me. May be My mind is not working or wants some rest. Why I think I want to learn more from Finland, every time I wake up in the morning till the time I go to my bed.

Their are thousand of questions every day in my mind. I like to think because I do not think their is another things in world left for me to do without thinking. I think because I live in imagination, I imagine, its one of the difficult things for others and easy for me. Welcome to the Spring climate in Finland, I welcome the Spring Climate with my both hands. I would like to invite the birds chirping, sound and presence of beautiful flowers, kids playing in hot sunny melting snowing day and so on. Welcome to Spring climate in Finland...

(Picture taken from:
wiki/Image:Colorful_spring_garden.jpg )

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


I do not want to speak, I am dumb,deaf and I do not know what are the values of these words. I am lazy, I am crazy and I have no words to express what I am going through. I do not have job,I do not have those thing that I wan to have. I do not care about them, as long as I know those things are temporary to me why should i care about them.

Life is like this and i like it the way is is for me. I am alone, I am freezing and I am cold. I do not want to see any sun because i know i do not get what i want and its not my wish that will bring the sun. I am depressed but i know that depression is temporary. I do not feel like walking but I know I have to because that will teach me something that i do not wish to learn.

What is wrong with me ? Am I going mad ? Am I acting like I have been to different world doing nothing. I have a beautiful life,why I am hating this life ? What is wrong that I have done ?

These are the symptoms of the depressed person. Whenever we get depressed we talk with ourselves and we talk something similar to these words but why ? Do not ever ask why because their is no answer to why ? Always ask to yourself that how can i make some difference in myself and my society, my organization and my country.

We have thousand golden moments but we do not use them properly. There are some people who live for just one moment in their entire life. There are such kind of people also. Why are we worried we have entire life ahead of us to worry. Let us cheer up ! Let us do some crazy things that we wish to do or that we have kept pending in our life. Do whatever you wish to do and act however you wish to act.

If you live the life for yourself you are smart enough to live a life but if you live a life for others then you are intelligent enough to yourself and if you wish to do the both then you are wise enough for others.

I don't know if you can understand what I have written but I do not care-its my nature to check or cross verify what I speak or what i write. Everything is words-do not get into the trap of words but do get into the trap of your self, your intellect and your passion to go ahead or rather look ahead. Keep up the spirit and move ahead.

Move on

Life is full of struggle, surprises, events unexpected and their are times in life when we will feel that we are going down, their are times in life when we are so depressed that we do not want to talk with anyone and do not want to share our feelings, their are times in life when we lack support, enthusiasm, effort to move forward.

It has nothing to do with the present but it has something to do with our self. Our image and our self consciousness that is why we feel depressed. We always assume that we have achieved something in our life but we have done nothing till date. We are just another brick in the wall. As Pink Floyd song goes "Another brick in the wall" Sometime we feel that Nothing is going to be done by us and nothing will make any change just because of us. But those feelings are not always the same. We fluctuate through the time and moment because we are just like a wind. We blow but we do not care about the obstacles we have to face we blow because our nature is to blow.

I remember today I was walking in very slippery road. I knew any time i may fall down. This was there in my mind that I may fall down. I slowly and gradually was moving but suddenly I started to fall at that moment I was not thinking that I am going to fall down or I was not cautious about it. I knew nothing that I am going to fall down. This is similar to our life. We are afraid of death and when we are afraid of death our death will not come but when we do not expect the death that very moment the death comes and we are gone from this whole earth. That is what I am trying to say from the very moment of my whole life. Expect the unexpected in life.

Do not agree with me but one day you will. I know what we expect we do not get often because this is how it is. Expect the unexpected in life, love and relationship.Therefore life is all about living the moments not living the entire age. I do not want to live my life just because I have to live for so and so years but I want to live my life because I have so and so moments that I cherish which I always like to rejoice and repeat, which reminds me that I am alive in present and I am living at this very moment.

Last night I saw a death accident picture in my friends place, Friend said, "What is the human life look, nothing !" I did noticed and care what he said or what one has to say about it but I realize and felt the expression he made. The expression said it all. We do not have to say or talk about it in detail or make an issue out of any other things. The expression says it all.

When we two human beings are close to each other- Expression is the best way to know what other is going through. Nothing else is needed.

Anyways as a wind we are, let's move on-I am not afraid of falling down because I know I will learn when I will fall down and start to move on again. I know that me falling down teaches me how to move again. I am not afraid to say something or write something that I like because I know if tomorrow I do mistakes their are thousand people like me who will teach me how to write. I am not afraid of hearing the sound of birds because I know those birds will tell me what to listen to and what not to. I am not afraid of falling down because I know if i remove "f" from "life" I am doing something wrong with my own self.

Move on... Move on and Let's move on ...

(Picture from:

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Am I really depressed ?

Am I really depressed?

Depression is one of the main causes of defects cause in human body. Why people are more depressed then they were before. Is it because of the climate? How can climate affect the level of energy in human body? Why I myself is feeling depressed. ? These questions are something which is very hard to express. From last couple of weeks I have not been present in Barbara’s class, she must be feeling depressed not to see me, or is it me who is feeling depressed not to see her. Am I a really busy person or is it because of the work load I am having. Some times what I think is that, we all people who I am related with and who I think are here in this country are going through this stage. Is it because of climate and workload? Can climate really affect the mind of people? I do not know weather it is scientifically proved or not. What I think is that, Sun is the energy, From last month I have not see sun smiling as it does in other part of world. Why is he depressed with himself? We are living in place where level of energy is created by human. It is not natural. Some times it may be also the cause why people in Finland speak less. To speak we need energy now, since we all live in dark from where can we expect the energy to get inside our body. I am not seeing smiling anybody. I myself is not smiling. Every body is feeling depressed and so is nature feeling depressed. Life is a journey of uncertainties there are always ups and downs in life. Here in Finland there are loads of resources available but one thing is lacking here which is brightness. It may be also be the cause of less population then any where else. I am making my predictions so this prediction has nothing to do with anybody. Hope fully one day the sun will shine and bring the energy in every individual, make them cheerful and smile for ever and ever. The day is not very far as we do not know how time passes by, life is just like a journey which satisfies the moment we cherish at every time. I hope we are not satisfied and we will not as long as there is life, we all are a human who can just pass the message of love, peace and truth passing by. Nothing is good or bad. Every thing is good it is us who think the things as bad. One day, one of my friends said, “Santosh why did u always say this is good and that is good. Why don’t you use the word bad?” I replied to him, “Well, Nothing is bad my dear friend it is us who think that is bad. Take an e.g. of food if we are eating at this moment, you are saying the food that you are eating is bad but it’s not the food which is bad it is your mouth which is saying the food is bad. It is only the words. The thing is the same and it will remain the same. Similarly, depression is not what we feel inside us it is just what we say. We are happy and cheerful since the time we were born and we will remain the same.