Living with Sarcoidosis

A disease for which the cause is unknown. It is good that I do not have to blame my gene, or my parents or to anyone around me for the cause of the disease that has in me. Experts suggest that, it could be nothing and it could some time be everything. It will go automatically without needing any treatment or anything and it will some times in some cases remain more than 7-to more years.

What would you say when you have defect in your lungs ? A place where you are responsible for the breathing. Suddenly you have pain and it is hardly so difficult to take a breath easily. It is very difficult most of the times.

Self strong is an act of being strong. It does not matter to me if I live for today or I live for 70 years of my life. Most important thing is live a life. There are people who are living with HIV, there are people who are living a life with so much of pain, strugle, and prespiration. Why not me.?
It is not difficult but it is not easy to them, it would not be easy to me either.

Who want to have a disease and live with the disease every body wants a perfect health, a perfect wife, a perfect home and a perfect lifestyle with space and happiness. Who gets these pefectionism. Who achives it at the end ? Hardly anyone gets it. Even if I am a Prince of some country I would not easily get what I am looking for.

It is good to know that you are also effected in some way or another. It is good that we all are effected if not by disease then by the disease of lust, gain, richness, anger, sadness, anxiety, pressure,and many more.

A medical disease can be or has a cure. It occurs in the human body for some period of time and it goes away after medication or treatment but what about the disease that the world is occupying.A disease that cannot be cured easily or it cannot be cured at all. I am happy that I believe I do not have those disease less and medical disease more.

It is good to explain with the people around you that what you have been suffering with and what you have been going though. People will give you suggestions, advice and comments. It is good that you will find out the fact that you are feeling better once you explain the situation to everyone.

Doctor said that I still have to go through some procedure before to make it confirm wheather or not it really is Sarcoidosis. A disease explored some 100 years ago.A perfect treatment still is not found yet and it is really a subject for research for many medical practinoners. Well, I am ready to become their subject.

The act of living a life is not going to say that I am going to die but going to say that I have lived my life. Lived my life means that you have really done what you have wanted to do and you have really worked yourself into every bits and bytes of life.

Human wishes does not come true and all wishes if will come true, everyone will become rich and famous, King and Queens. Who wishes to be just like me-a simple ordinary human living in simple apartment paying bills every month, dreaming about a good fruitful life, imagining about the promises to make them fulfilled and remembering love of your life all the time.
A wish which becomes reality everyday. A wish of not becoming rich and famous or Kings and Queens but a wish to live a life of with joy and happiness.

Let us see how long I could hang on to it.

Oh my love.

Last night, I watched a good music recommended from a friends website. It was amazing. It somehow relates to my own life in different way. I do not want to explain it publicly. How good and beautiful that song is, The meaning I understood is some what I would like to tell you here. It is from the movie and I have not yet seen the movie.

The song has a deep meaning, meaning stating that do not forget the tears that flowed, do not forget the long nights that I remembered for you, do not forget all those moments that I waited for you.

The song asks for a love, just to see the glance or second of the person's love. The person wants to meet some one in love. She is far far from him. The gentleman is waiting and he says he will do anything for her, just to see her. The gentleman is in the state of dying, he could not live without her. He wants to meet her but he could not.

He says to his love that do not forget seas which has seen him crying, do not forget the day which separated them apart. Love grows with time, as the wine improves every year love become stronger like a wine.

Imagine a situation where you want to meet your love and you are in the stage of dieying, you are lieying in the deathbed, you have not confessed your love for her. You have not said even that "you love her". How would you feel ?

You last breath depends on it, you cannot die only because you want to say one lovely, statement to the person who is far far away from you. The person whom you never knew that you love. The person who always loved you.

Love is the beauty which is indescribable. As the world is changing, the way of doing love or being in love is also changing, we say even when we do not mean it. We talk even if we do not know what we are talking, we think we are in love even if we do not know what "love " is.

Aloneness is the first lesson of Love, it will take time for people to understand what is aloneness. Love is statement of question that has remained unanswered. It is something which cannot be touched, something which do not have smell, it is the beauty which my mind cannot describe.

You do not know you are in love, that is good in that case you are being with yourself, in such situation you know you are being truthful to yourself. It is always good to be truthful to yourself than to act to others that you are just being honest about yourself. Do not do what others want to hear from you. Do what your inner best friend ask you to do.

Oh my love, what wil happen if I am dead and I could not say that "I loved you". Oh my love how would you live without me ? Oh my love, , ,

how would you feel when you will see my dead body lieying besides you, what would i excuse myself of not saying those worlds which your ears always wanted to hear.

Oh my love, I am sorry, It is difficult to be man of words and man of deeds at the same time. Oh my love I am sorry that I would one day hopefully feel the "love " for you.

Their are times in my life where I have not said even once my love for you, I am sorry and please forgive me if i die without saying that "i loved you".

Oh my love, you are the most beautiful person that i have ever met, Oh my love without you life is just as empty as the sea without water, what would sea do if their is no water in it ?

Oh my love, in every steps of your life, My prayers are with you, my blessings are with you and my caring, memories are with you. Oh my love, without you I am without.


(Picture taken from: http://digikuva.yle.fi/
system/files/images/Love.jpg )

Why not me ?

When the going gets tough, the tough get going...
[Joseph P. Kennedy (1888-1969)]
 I am what I am and not what others make of me...
 Give me a bread to eat; I will give you idea for research ...

A firm believer in the above, last two quotes are my own creation... I am a man on a mission; eager to script his own destiny with utmost sincerity and hard work. I believe there are no shortcuts to success but there are definitely smarter ways of getting there. From here onwards

I hope to gain some valuable work experience in a global environment. I seek to work in the most competitive of organizations and in a result oriented setup. By applying to your organization I seek to imbibe in myself a global work culture and international corporate practices which transcend all geographical boundaries.

Every individuals in this earth is unique and every body has rights to live, freedom of speech and expression, rights for food, shelter, clothes and basic sanitation but My life is filled with emptiness because I do not have job any more. The lack of JOB (read it as J, O and B). It is good to read it like this, makes it more complicated and complex. Every body now a days have B.A, M.Sc, or even PhD but they lack  JOB .

We are humans and we need food to eat, some work to earn for the food that we consume and some to save for future. Is it possible to survive in complex, dynamic world without a JOB, I lack a JOB crossing every streets and passing every small to big companies in every corner of streets of Lappeenranta, but not reaching to the place where I wan to be. I could not see my own days of glory. The decision of coming back to Foreign Land for the purpose of study and some work experience does not seems to be justified.

It not having all its part adjusted in proper manner or is incomplete.I might not have a recommendation letter from a Minister, might not have my own family linked in some of these companies but I have one thing that every ordinary citizens like me have and that is One keyword which pushes my own life is,  hope .I am Expecting the Unexpected. Believing in my own faith and dreams.

I know the dreams I have will one day give rise to the hope, hope will turn them into actions and action will deliver the result. As my sweet lovely wife Padhmawoti said,  Budha,(Honey)Be yourself, as long as I believe you are here for some special purpose,as I am here for you. As I think now; By 30, I have to become Strong and I know I am already in the process of becoming one.

Memories remains

The topic reminds me of my own past. Why our memories reminds of something beautiful and something very fascinating ? What is that makes us smile when we think of our past. I know we all most of the times think about the future and do not care what we do at the present but sometimes when we are alone and thinking nothing then comes the most glorious day or moment you have had with. It comes from no where it just pops out in your brain and you start thinking that yes those were the momoents we cherished and those were the good things we did or those times were very good, outstanding or infact most beautiful days. Why ? Can our present also be like that some way ? Can we say that today morning this happen, or this thing was very good and i am doing happy or i am cheerful or i feel i am very excited. Often we ignore the present and there is a lot talk going on about the present byu various intelligent and creative people. As you see- I am not so innovative and I do not think I am creative, Here I am talking about memories remains. Song by Metallica which is very nice in its own sense.

A google search using the term will come up with many hits before we get anywhere close to origin of the word. There is always a what question in our mind when we ask about what remains in our memory.

What remains in our mind is the event that has occurred already and we think we have overcome or succeeded that event, we are not ready for the present event or function so we do not know much about it and we do not want to talk or discuss about it that much but the same event after some time we will remember and rejoice it. It would seem that I am making some stupid assumptions but I think I am true.

Based on the informal observation, it can be seen that we are somehow connected to our past and we do walk the very next step or let's say we take the next step in our life based on our past event or activity also it is worth mentioning that we are what we were in the past but with little change in environment, culture , adaptation and to our core values.


To sum up, What remains is memories which are good to remember some times and most important things are free as the moments are free, time may seem money but even time cannot bring money when we relate it to our past. Money is for nothing despite the reality says Men are for Money, by the Money and with the Money and I could not still find out What women are for. Anyways, Memories remains and I hope even if it is pleaseant as well as unpleaseant it will bring some smile in your face too.

Who am I ?

The question is very interesting and very self asking one. It is very easy to ask this question on the basis of physical level therefore we usually say, "Who are you ?" and People will reply with this kind of answer- "I am doctor, I am engineer, I am an architect or I am a writer ...." but the true meaning of this question no body knows. It is same like saying what is love and what do you mean by life. There are thousands of book written by self knowledge, meditation and how to learn about your self. Every body has written it just because they have found something or they think they have found something about the question itself. The real problem is that when we say and expect that we have got the result that very time we do not have any result. We have not reached to the conclusion but it is an virtual conclusion. Why do we assume that we know the factor "x" ? Why don't we say truly that we do not know. or I do not know. Is it because we want to maintain the reputation of being smart, intelligent and very brilliant in whatever we do. Well, if we think so then we are doing no good my dear friends ! Let's be truthful of what we do and what we get. Many of us write something expecting that we will be rich one day with brilliant car and brilliant house and we will become world famous but those who write with this kind of attitude in their mind land up nowhere. It is not the success that makes the man special or intelligent for example it is the true value that man has or possess in the society. So, Why not to become a man of value then man of success ? Therefore, Who am I is the question of reality, it should be first asked with yourself, Sit in silent place for some 2 hrs and ask this question- remember your past and then from the very past come to the present; that means just trace what you have been doing in your life from the day you remember or from the day you remember anything in your mind and come to the present. Now, Write down the key words in some paper or you do not have to do this . You will now realize that the things what I have doing and the things long gone by were very interesting and funny or may be very boring or inspiring. Ask question with your own self. Ask as many times as you wish. Now you will come to know who you are. After experiencing this phenomenon for yourself you can explains who you really are. This is how you do it. This is the process and the process continues. I am not asking you to do it with strict time table but do this whenever you feel you want to know who are you. I hope you will come up with answers.

My

Welcome to the world of “My”, we are very much cautious to our belongings, we like our things very much. We like them so much that we think they are for ours and ours only. The world is changing now; in west our things are valued very much because they are bought by us. Don’t you think we value our things a bit too much, e.g. my wife, my life, my things like my laptop, my house, my bike, my car, my wallet, my furniture’s etc. Why do we value our things so much? We value our things are we think they will remain there forever with us because we work hard to buy them and after buying them we think they are only useful and for us. What I think is, we are too much into this. Let me take you to the beginning, well, we were born single- any doubt? Probably not! We are going to die single. Hopefully this is universal truth, now why do we think the things in this world are ours. Did they come with you when you were born? Did these things will go together with you? Do you believe that these are living for ever and you are living in this world forever? Think about the paragraphs and then think about the word or characters made of two letters “M” and “Y”. The word cannot be changed the meaning is only one. M=me and Y=you. It can be interpreted as M can refer to the self and Y can be you or the things or your wife for e.g. why do we believe that our wife is our alone? Girls are very unpredictable; they also don’t know what is going on in their own mind. Your girl friend cannot be yours then how come the things you bought can be yours? It is our natural way of living a life, once we become mature and start living a life-we tend to forget things. The things that are very natural and those are universal. There is always a need for someone who can tell these things are remind you that there is something very powerful and which is beyond our imaginations. That is no super human; no special Robert but Nature and nature balances everything for its own existence. We should rather think these things and live a life for just one single day. Imagine a living a life for a single day! Don’t get panic. Take it easy. None of the things you have are yours and they will never be yours. You are living in a virtual world. The virtual world will not teach you the real meaning of life. The real existence of human beings and the real way of living like a humans. Today we are very much into virtual world; In future tomorrow we will surely become virtual humans. Since I myself live a life for a day- I do not know whether I will exist tomorrow or not but if you will exist please be natural and live a life of humans rather than being proud of yourself of calling that you are human but internally you are not.