Morning shows the day, Today morning with the black dark clouds in the sky seems that it has some effect on my own personal mood. It really feels as if I am going through bad mood. If I am going through a bad mood that means I am not feeling good. When I am not feeling good, it is my personal self feeling that I need to control. It is not as easy to control the feeling as it looks.
A day when I need something, I want something to happen based on my thinking but It does not work like that. It feels as if I am not happy or it feels as if I am really depressed or going through sad moments. A friend of mine-she said, just try to ask yourself what is that making you unhappy ? There most be something which you are dissatisfied with. I asked with myself and I know I am not happy with something. I know the answer. I also know the cause and the precaution for it.
My heart does not get satisfied with the feelings such as this. It always ask me something, It is very demanding. The mind do not want to think when heart is taking the lead. When heart is not taking the lead-most of the times then mind thinks and when mind thinks then it makes a good decision many of the times.
My life is just like a big unsolvable mystery, a statement of puzzle that I do not know how to solve. It has both the happiness and sadness involved in it. You can get either both or one at any time. Even if I am not solving them I will get these moments in the course of life.
Today I asked one angel to marry me. I just simply asked her to marry with her-and I was not surprise to hear the answer directly from her NO. She said that she do not have such feelings for me. What would I do in such case ? She said, "It is not possible". I hated the word that she said. I asked her what makes her think that it will not be possible. I was trying to know her feeling not whether if we will meet or if the marriage will be possible or not. She just said no. But I think she has the feeling for me. I know it. I know that she do not want to tell the truth just because she is afraid of saying it the reality. She is thinking ahead of her heart. I know that she made the decision from her mind not from her heart.
The decision made by heart will never lie and it will not think about anything else. It will not think about the consequences. It will not say, if that is right or wrong. It will not say about the possibility. Either you like a person and you say-yes or you just say no. When a women says NO and then she says it is not possible then that means she is in two minds. The decision she made is from her mind and not from her heart.
She knows it that if she will say-yes, how will it be possible to be in touch ? How can a person from one place who lives North in the geographical map can come down to the South in the earth map.?
May be she do not really have the feelings for me but I do not care. I know that she has the feelings. May be sooner or later she will say- Yes. Let me see. Hoping that she will say yes. One moment I felt as if she really said yes. I thought wow.. is it a joke ? then again, I asked her but she said NO.
It is not easy to ask a girl that you want to marry when you are not sure of your own life. It is very difficult. But the person who does something do not think and the person who thinks will never do.
The feeling for now is so much that I will be ready to accept any challenge. I know she will sooner or later surprise me. I know it from my heart. She also knows it. She is not willing to say it now but one day she will say. I know the day will come. The feelings she has for me, will force her to make a decision from heart not from the mind.
A test of mind decision is already done in her. I thought of putting this as a serious decision making process in the women and test it. I know the first decision done by women in case of emotional pressure is done through mind. I can be sure that any women in earth makes the decision through mind not from the heart, especially the first decision. If she will think, is she takes some time and start thinkings from the heart and will make the positive decision then she is thinking from her heart. If no, then I can conclude that No women in earth can make the decision properly. The poor in decision making.
I do not know. I am worried about my life. I think I will no longer be alive till she will say, yes. Or may be I will never hear from her. I do not know. May be she cares a lot about me but she says she do not have any feelings. May be she do not to marry me but she is worried more than I am when I am sick. I do not know.
As always, many of the Monday sucks for me as it was sucking me from deep inside. As the day goes by, my minds starts to settle and I feel more better. Hopefully the next day is the best day and I like the day which is Tuesday. Hopefully the darkness will go soon and it will soon be beginning to new day for me.