Sorry mom !!!

I was not in any circumstances to kill myself or to do any harm to any animal or living being or to myself. I am a writer and I write. According to the studies I came to knew that in west suicide rate is very high but why? I myself wanted to feel this experience why people are more depressed here. There was not any intention to do any kind of test or something like that. Now, I think that I have two moms who are watching me, caring me and giving me all the love that I need in any circumstances. Thank you for taking care. Now I have learnt this lesson, the lesson is:

People only go mad when they try to escape from the routine. I took a risk of being different; it’s not my personal intention to attract the audience. Every human being is unique, each with their own qualities, instincts, forms of pleasure and desire for adventure. Have you ever met anyone in your entire life who asked why the hands of clock should go in one particular direction and not in the other?
If someone were to ask, the response they got would probably be:” you’re mad.” God did not create a single leaf the same as another. People go against nature because they lack courage to be different.
Why some one would want to destroy himself or herself why? The reason is according to me, every human being has a desire and with desire comes dissatisfaction, and a dissatisfied man is full of misery, even if he has at hand the pleasure that the world can give him. We act in order to be happy and then we are surprised that the happiness does not last, and we look for other things, and the same pattern is repeated. So,

All our pleasures are connected with our deeds. I promise to my mom that I would not write or do that mistake again in my entire life. It was just my visualization of the fact. And I am really sorry if it has done any harm to anybody. I am convinced that we people are destined to perform special task and it is up to us as to how efficiently we can perform them. I believe that hard work is the chariot to success and one should not undertake a task and if he does, one should perform it to the best of his caliber. I hope I have not done big mistake and even if I have Please forgive me mom. Thanking you with anticipation!

I will kill myself

Price you pay for having to deal with those minor problems is far less than the price you pay for not recognizing they are yours.Every thing that happens in our life is our fault and ours alone.I feel like i will kill myself. I have lost a interest in any aspect of life. I know one day we all are going to die. why not now ? what is the use of living a life when you are sure that one day you will be dieying.I will not earn a fame in one day. No body knows me. who am i ? why am i here in this planet? what is my purspose of living a life which is so meaningless to me? I dont think i will live now. I will kill myself. Life starts first., we grow.to some age then we start studying. why to study ? To earn a certificate. why to get certificate ? To get a job ? why to get a job ? To earn a money ? why to earn a money ? To live life full of joy. To eat good food. Why to eat ? To survive. Why to survive ? To Die.

I am going to kill myself. Thank you for reading this. Hope you get what you want in your life. May god bless you all. Bye Bye !!!

Who is playing politics?

Do you have any idea who is playing a politics here ? If yes, Why ?

It is not Quantity that matters.,Its always a Quality.

As my title says..Produce less and stop over population. Planet is getting narrow to live for a human being. Stop expecting that you need a boy child rather than a girl child.Give a birth to one or two child and stop it. Keep the human population in control.
We always want to see how our creation has been evolved.Love the first creation and never look back. Control over population.

God may not know

Even God may not know what is going to happen next.Life must always go on no matter what.

Stop Human Traffiking

Please Stop Human Traffiking.

Save a human in Ice

This is the technique to save a human in Ice.

Human Traffiking

Always Save a Human. You can eat a Cannibal instead.Picture is worth a thousand of words.Do it. But First Save a Human.
That is You,Me., and Us.

how can you save a life of a human who is being killed by starving?

I think you have to contribute so that it goes to a right person. For the contribution I have started this blog. You too can contribute by clicking on the Ads by Google displayed in this page.

You are born once.
You will live once in this earth.
You can be remembered for ever
How ?
Save a human !!!
Save a human who is in need of help !!!

Save a human being . One day you will get your reward.

Thank you!!!

Is living with whole bunch of fear normal ?

Living with whole bunch of fear is not normal. How can we live a life with fear and just fear.

One should always live a life with full of freedom. But what is happening in present day context is discouraging. People are killing each other. This is very disgusting why ? what is the purpose? why we have to live a life in fear ?

Why does Jesus only save people of one religion ?

Personally I think .., He did not saved the people of one religion he save the people of one community. He did not knew at that period what was his religion. I think his religion was for the mankind. For the well being of entire man kind to save a entire human beings.

It's time to save lives

By Allison Gill, published in International Herald Tribune

MOSCOW:
In two years as a human rights researcher in Uzbekistan, one of the most repressive countries of Central Asia, I monitored dozens of unfair trials and documented every kind of due-process violation.
I never witnessed an acquittal - a reduced sentence or speedy amnesty was the best anyone could hope for. I interviewed hundreds of victims of horrific abuses. I also had the privilege of working with incredibly courageous and dedicated people: Uzbekistan's human rights defenders. I daily witnessed how the government interfered in their work, harassed them, threatened and beat them.

Since the massacre in the eastern city of Andijan in May 2005, when government forces killed hundreds of protesters, the government has maintained a brutal campaign against human rights activists. More than a dozen of my former colleagues are now behind bars, and at least a dozen more have fled the country.

Yet somehow none of this prepared me for the verdict against my dear friend and colleague, Umida Niazova, who was sentenced on May 1 to seven years' imprisonment on trumped-up charges. Umida, a journalist and human rights activist, also worked as a translator for Human Rights Watch in Tashkent, accompanying me and others to monitor trials and translate the proceedings from Uzbek to Russian.
In April, the Uzbek government charged Umida with illegal border crossing, smuggling and distributing material causing public disorder. The authorities say Umida "smuggled" her laptop into the country because she didn't declare it on her customs form, though she made no effort to conceal it - she put it through the customs X-ray machine. They say she distributed materials found on her laptop that are allegedly "extremist" and "fundamentalist" - including Human Rights Watch's report on the Andijan events.

Even witnesses for the prosecution testified that there was no evidence she had distributed them. But that made no impact on the court, which barred diplomats from the trial and forbade all present from taking notes.
Umida is in prison today because the Uzbek government refuses to tolerate scrutiny or accountability.

But she is also in prison because governments in the West have failed to push for tangible change. The European Union imposed limited sanctions on Uzbekistan following the Andijan killings, but it has not made the fate of Uzbekistan's imprisoned human rights defenders a precondition for easing the sanctions. That sent an unmistakable message to the Uzbek government.
Despite Umida's commitment to Uzbekistan, last fall she said she felt the pressure against her and her colleagues growing and worried about providing a safe home for her two-year-old son Elbek. We began to look for opportunities for her to work or study abroad. But we were too late.

It is not too late, however, for the European Union to pursue a principled strategy on Uzbekistan, a strategy that has at its core the lives of Uzbeks and its own principles, rather than political expediency.

On May 14, the Union is to decide whether to lift the targeted sanctions. Ahead of this decision, the Union has urged the Uzbek government to agree to a human rights dialogue, instead of demanding the release of people like Umida. But what kind of dialogue about human rights is plausible when the people who work in honor of those rights languish in prison?

This is not the time for mere dialogue. This is the time to save lives: Umida, Mutabar Tojjbaeva, Saidjahon Zainatbitdinov, Gulbahor Turaeva and the other human rights defenders were imprisoned for daring to work for a better future. Without their release, any dialogue would be meaningless and discredit the European Union as a promoter of human rights.

Allison Gill is the Moscow office director at Human Rights Watch and ran the Tashkent office from 2003 to 2005.

Maoist local leader brutally murdered

An unidentified group brutally murdered Maoist leader Girendra Yadav (Suman) near his residence at Halkhori village on Monday.
According to eyewitnesses, a gang of almost 35 who were milling about Yadav's house abruptly attacked him with home-made weapons as he headed towards a local marketplace on Monday morning.

Protest against the military government in Yangon

Buddhist monks march on a street in protest against the military government in Yangon, Myanmar on Monday. As many as 100,000 anti-government protesters led by a phalanx of Buddhist monks marched Monday through Yangon, the largest crowd to demonstrate in Myanmar's biggest city since a 1988 pro-democracy uprising that was brutally crushed by the military.

Take a Example From Prashant Tamang

Every religion is same.He is Nepali.A true Nepali guy who does not hesitate to sing a blood heating song "Ghorkhae Laauri..Jitego chhau Sansar lai..," But take a look of our nepali politicians what they are doing at present ?
Take a example from him.Learn that he promotes his birthplace., He wants a well being for the humanity.He wants to help people. But What our politicians want ? Take a very good example from him., A single Nepali citizen is a brand ambassador of his country make your country proud.when the day comes it will give you a lot of pleasure and happiness.., But the day for progress in our country will come that is a big question...Because we are not in safe hands.

Help

Welcome to Nature God 's Blog Web site.

Welcome

Wel

Come

Love Poem

Save the Nature

God format

Nature God(s)

इमागिने इफ थिस वास यू

Imagine a life like this for a minute.

सेव हिम

This child has nothing to do with politics,infrastructure,global economy.., he just wants a food to survive.

But who cares in this world. Imagine if you were him instead !

क्लिक ऎंड हेल्प

Your one click will help.
H=Happiness comes from people
E=Education can be given., people
L=Life can be saved by people
P=Please follow the idea.

Save those who are in need.Do not trust me., Trust yourself.,
If you will trust yourself., you will trust me.,

हेल्प वूमेन we अल are एकुअल

Why are these women crying ? why ? Is it because of violence., is it because of some disaster ? what have they lost will never come back again? what can you do for them ? you dont have time, money and space to give them.., you can still help them just follow the idea.
Help every human first.,
But still we hesitate. we dont want to see this because this has not happened to us. why should we bother about it.If you think like this. Thank you.
If you do not think like this then please contribute.

Thank you !!!

हेल्प थिस चाइल्ड

Any one who wants to help this starving child ?.If you are interested you can just visit this site and click here in the Ads generated by Google Inc., You may not be starving but 65% of child in Africa and South East Asia are starving everyday.This is very simple idea to help human.

If you do not agree then please feel free.

Thank you !

हेल्प पीपुल हेल्प उस हेल्प ह्यूमन !

Dear all,

This is not charity.This is not any organization. It is a simple way to help people.
You can help just by clicking on the Ads by Google... So Help. The choice is yours but do not give up because some one is in need for it and that some one is none other than a human being.

Thank you !

Let it go

We tend to cling to every object in our lives. We hold on to our profession, relationship or possession as if our entire world depends on them. We are so busy clinging to our own lives that we have forgotten to live with the flow. We are afraid to move ahead, afraid to let go.
Life in essence is like an uncontrolled flow of a river. Life flows at its own pace and the ultimate source of all our pain and sufferings is our tendency to cling to and obstruct the flow. Professional life stagnates, relationships are broken, possessions are lost; all because we refused to let go when we were actually required to let things take their own course.

Why do we cling? We cling because change scares us; we cling because we are afraid to face the unknown, to face challenges; we cling because we feel secure if the status quo is maintained; we cling because we refuse to believe that life can never be static; because we refuse to accept the transience of everything; we believe that everything is in our hands. We do not have enough faith in life and that higher force which is omnipotent and omnipresent. In the chaos of existence, we have lost touch with our higher self. Most of us lead a life which is similar to that of a child who is lost in a crowd, separated from his guardians. He has nobody to place his faith on. He is afraid, insecure, and suspicious about everyone and everything.

We live under the false illusion of having everything under our control. We are overwhelmed by a sense of despair and disillusion when things move beyond our control. It is at this stage we need to learn to let go. Several times relationships are broken just because we tried too hard to make them work.

Professionally or personally, once all the efforts are made towards achieving a goal, we must learn to let go and let life take the best course. It might or might not be of one's choice, but if we have faith, we will realize that it inevitably is the best course. We need to believe that forces above us are far better equipped to make judgments for us. We must learn to have faith in their judgment. Letting go, however, does not mean turning into a fatalist. One cannot sit idle in life and expect life to take care of itself. Karma, the fulfillment of one's duties is the ultimate objective of all human existence and if we fail to fulfill our duties towards life, life inevitably fails us.

When God gives us dreams, He shares them with us. Whatever we consider our dreams, are actually His dreams. The part we are required to play is to ensure the optimum usage of the capabilities bestowed upon us. And once we have played our part, we need to let go, step aside and let God step in to fulfill our dreams. After all, they are His dreams, too.

Projection of the mind

The universe that we see is a projection of the mind. The display of sensory organs. In reality there is no universe or whatever that term means. There are as many universe on earth as there are beings, atoms. Dissociate from earthly materialistic and sensory things. At the end only the absolute remains which just cannot be defined. A mind that is alone means it is free, not having faith in somebody It's all childish, so immature, so mediocre to have faith in somebody. You never have faith in somebody if you love somebody- you love. But you don't know what love is, that is why you have faith. I was rescuing a scorpion that had fallen in to a pond. Every time I lifted it out of water, it stung me. I said, "Mr. Kalwar let's not give up. Until it was saved". My wife, Laxmi asked why was I persistent in saving the scoripon that stung me. I replied:" The nature of scorpion is to sting; the nature of your husband is to rescue a being from distress. So long as the scorpion does not give up its nature why should I give up mine?"

The nature of fire is to burn, of water is to cool, of wind is to blow, So, Our nature is to be humane.One should do one's duty even if faced with obstacles. It is upto you how you project yourself. If you see yourself in mirror, 900 out of 1000 people will be see themselves.,that is there face.., rather than seeing the projection of there mind.

Meaning of Love

What is love? Is love pleasure? Is love desire? Is love associated with Sex? What is this thing that we call love? Is it part of hate? In it, is there jealousy, anxiety? When we say, 'I love my family, my wife, the girl, or the boy'. What does it mean? Is love a matter of time, something to be cultivated, and something to be practiced? Is it the result of thought, of time, a process? And why have human beings throughout the world given such tremendous significance to sex, which they call love? Have you noticed in your own life why sex has become such an all-consuming and important thing? To find out, you have to ask why your life, the daily living with all its conflict, suffering, agony, brutality has become so mechanical. You get into a habit and repeat, repeat, repeat. It would be marvelous thing if you said to yourself,' I will never repeat anything that I do not know, that I myself have not completely understood. Do not repeat what somebody has said, or what the Gita, the Koran, the Bible, or your favorite sacred book has said, because that has also become a habit, a routine. Do try it and see. Find out. To get the best from life, you must be completely present and mindful in every minute of every hour of every day. As Albert Camus wrote," Real generosity towards the future consists in giving all to what is present," Yet, on most days, our minds are in ten different places at any one time. The truth of that will be found only when you have completely dropped everything that is mechanical. Understand that you are the creator of your sufferings. Change is not required anywhere except within you. Very often we suffer because we are not open to the vastness of life. We are bound by our own knowledge.

Being Alone

We feel inconvenient when we are alone because we don't know who we are. With the other, things are clear, defined. We know the name, we know the form, we know the person - Hindu, Christian, Indian, American - there are some ways to define the other. How to define yourself? Deep down there is an abyss - emptiness beyond definition. You start merging into that. It creates fear. You become frightened. You want to rush towards the other. The other helps you to remain out. When there is nobody you are simply left with your emptiness. Nobody wants to be alone.



The greatest fear in the world is to be left alone. People do a thousand and one things just not to be left alone. You imitate your neighbors so you are just like them. You lose your individuality, you lose your uniqueness, you just become imitators because otherwise you will be left alone. You become part of a crowd, a church, an organization. Somehow you want to merge with a crowd where you can feel at ease, so that you are not alone. To be alone is really the greatest miracle. That means now you don't belong to any church or organization, you don't belong to any theology or ideology - socialist, communist, fascist, Hindu, Christian, Jain, Buddhist - you don't belong, you simply are. And you have learnt how to love your indefinable, ineffable reality. You have come to know how to be with yourself.



Aloneness is the first lesson of Love. Loneliness is absence of the other. Aloneness is very positive. It is an overflowing presence. You are so full of presence that there is no need for anybody else. Even if the whole world disappears, he will love that tremendous emptiness, this pure infinity.



This does not mean that a man who has become enlightened and has come home does not live with others. In fact, only he is capable of being with others. Because he is capable of being with himself he becomes capable of being with others. If you are not capable of being with yourself, how can you be capable of being with others? A man who loves his aloneness is capable of love, and a man who feels lonely is incapable of love. A man who is happy with himself is full of love, flowing. He does not need anybody's love, hence he can give. When you are in need how can you give?



It is a natural response. The first lesson of love is to learn how to be alone. Try it, to have the feel. Just sit alone sometimes. That's what meditation is all about - just sitting alone, doing nothing. If you start feeling lonely then there is something missing in your being, then you have been unable yet to understand who you are. Then go deeper into this loneliness until you come to a layer when suddenly loneliness transforms itself into aloneness.



Loneliness is the negative aspect of aloneness. If you go deeper into it, one moment is bound to come when suddenly you will start feeling the positive aspect of it because both aspects are always together.

Enlightenment

Anyone can be a Gautam Buddha. Spiritual realization is everybody's birthright. It is not a talent like painting, music, poetry, or dancing; it is not genius either. A genius has tremendous intelligence, but it is still of the mind. Enlightenment is not of the mind, it is not intellect; it is intelligence of a totally different order.
People like Friedrich Nietzsche who have missed the journey towards their own selves were great intellectuals, geniuses unparalleled - but all that belongs to the mind.

And to be a Gautam Buddha, Lao Tzu, or Zarathustra is to get out of the mind. It does not matter whether you had a big, small or a mediocre mind, or if you are a genius; the point is that you should be out of the mind. The moment you are out of the mind, you are in yourself. So the strange thing is that the more a person is intellectual, the farther he goes away from himself. His intellect takes him to faraway stars.

He is a genius, he may create great poetry, great sculpture. But as far as you are concerned, you are not to be created, you are already there. The genius creates, the meditator discovers. Consciousness has nothing to do with creativity, inventiveness, science or art. It has something to do with tremendous silence, peace, a centering. When an ordinary man meditates, he comes to the same space of blissfulness as Nietzsche, Einstein or Russell. That space of blissfulness will not be different; it will not be richer for Bertrand Russell because he is a great intellectual. Those values don't matter outside of the mind.

It is as if you all fall asleep here; you will be dreaming. Somebody may have a very beautiful dream, and somebody may have a nightmare. But both are dreams.

And when they wake up, they will know that the beautiful dream and the nightmare are not different - they are both dreams. They are non-existential, mind projections.

This is great and good news because it means a woodcutter or a fisherman can become Gautam Buddha. An uneducated Jesus, an uneducated Kabir, who doesn't show any indication of genius, can still become enlightened, because enlightenment is not a talent, it is discovering your being. And the being of everyone is absolutely equal. Suddenly all distinctions, talents of the mind, disappear. There is only pure sky where you cannot make any distinctions of higher and lower. Enlightenment is the very nature of things.

Mind wants for its nourishment something very difficult, something almost impossible. Only if you can achieve the impossible can you feel you are somebody special. Enlightenment is not a talent. It is not like somebody being born a painter or a poet or a scientist - those are talents. Enlightenment is simply everybody's source of life; it is realizing the fact that "I am that which I have always wanted to be, and I have never been anything else and I cannot be anything else, ever".

Sexual feelings.

Sexual activity is a very personal thing. It should be based on understanding and respect for your partner as an expression of strong feelings or love you have for that person. It is possible to have a loving and caring relationship without sex. The most important thing is to make clear what you want, and to make your own choices after thinking them through, especially if you think that the other person might have something else in mind. If you don't know what you want, say so. You need to be assertive about something as important as a sexual relationship. You have a right to make up your own mind without being pressured and no-one should force you into having full penetrative sex that you don't want or don't feel ready for.' With the changes in your body come sexual feelings. You will find you become more interested in sex and sometimes these feelings can be quite strong. Everyone's sexual feelings are different and the way you express them will depend on the type of relationship you are in and what you and your partner want. If you are a man and woman having sex it is important to be aware of the possibility of pregnancy as well as infection from HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. Many young people use condoms in the first stages of a relationship and then progress to using the pill only. Using the pill provides no protection against HIV or other infections. It is very important to continue using a condom, even though your relationship may seem steady .If you have sex without using contraception there is a very high risk of pregnancy. If you do not use a condom you are in danger of HIV infection and other sexually transmitted diseases. Some people believe that sex should take place only in marriage. Others believe that a stable relationship is the most important thing, whether you are married or not. These are issues you will have to decide yourself. Young men are often made to feel 'wimpy' or un-masculine if they can't say they've had sex. And young women can be in an even worse situation: if they do have sex they can be criticized for sleeping around and if they don't have sex then they are old fashioned. 'Films, magazines and books all seem to assume that there's only one road for a relationship to go down, and it ends in bed. This is nonsense. You are the one who decides how far along the road you want to go, and you can stop at any time. You may not want a sexual relationship yet, or not with this person. You may have strong religious, cultural and personal views about sex outside marriage and you should not be afraid to uphold these views.

Live in moment.

Many of us worry about the future, hold regrets about the past, and completely ignore the present. How many of us rush blindly through our days, fall into bed exhausted, and wake up the next morning to do it all over again? For many of us, our lives are composed of millions of meaningless moments, all strung together - perhaps with a sprinkling of sacred moments mixed in. I am sure you can think of a few sacred moments in your own life - maybe your marriage, the birth of your child, or perhaps a heartfelt moment of connection with a good friend.
These are the moments when we are consumed with joy and awe. At these moments, we are fully present in the moment. We aren't worrying about tomorrow, or trying to rush through the experience to get to the next. We are in the now, and the now is amazing. Why do we wait for major events to honor these sacred moments? Why can't every day be sacred? Each moment is sacred, if we decide to make it that way. When we give the now our full attention, even mundane tasks can take on an aura of holiness. Then our lives become millions of meaningful moments.

Nothing has changed except our perception, but it makes all the difference. How do we change our perception to one of sacredness? What does it mean to stay in the present moment? Let's use an example: washing dishes. When most of us wash dishes, we hurry through it, often thinking about the million other things we need to get done that day (or the next day). Our minds are scattered all over the place, focusing on everything but what we are doing. Who can blame us? Washing dishes is not the most exciting experience. However, if we choose to make it a sacred experience, we will want to focus on it. We want to take our time and really pay attention to how the water feels on our hands, how the soap cleanses away the grease and grime, and the sense of satisfaction we get as each dish moves from the dirty pile to the strainer, now clean and shiny. Maybe that still doesn't sound very thrilling.

Let's look at what else is happening. As we give our full attention to washing the dishes, we are not only doing, we are being. Ah, that is the key. It doesn't matter what we're doing or not doing in each moment of our lives; it matters only when we become aware of our own state of being. In those moments, we are fully alive and conscious. Imagine every day of your life holding joy, peace and meaning. Imagine miracles consistently happening all around you. Imagine being filled with awe and gratitude each day, and lying down to sleep each night feeling peaceful and relaxed. You can, if you choose it. All it takes is that tiny shift in perception. Choose to make it so, and it will be so.

There's Something About Harry: Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix

There's Something About Harry: Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix

Law of Truth

One of the axioms of religion is, there is no religion other than truth. Another is, religion is love. And as there can be only one religion, it follows that truth is love and love is truth. We shall find too, on further reflection, that conduct based on truth is impossible without love. Truth-force then is love-force. We cannot remedy evil by harbouring ill will against the evil-doer. This is not difficult of comprehension. It is easy enough to understand.
In thousands of our acts, the propelling power is truth or love. And we therefore consciously or unconsciously apply truth in regulating these relations. If we were to cast a retrospective glance over our past life, we would find that out of a thousand acts affecting our families, in nine hundred and ninety-nine we were dominated by truth and that in our deeds, it is not right to say we generally resort to untruth or ill will.

It is only where a conflict of interests arises that there arise the progeny of untruth, namely, anger and ill will, and then we see nothing but poison in our midst. A little thinking will show us that the standard that we apply to the regulation of domestic relations between rulers and the ruled, and between man and man is based on truth.

Those men and women who do not recognize the domestic ties are considered brutes or barbarous, even though they are human. They have never known the law of truth. Those who recognize domestic ties and its obligations have to a certain extent gone beyond that brute stage. However, if they are challenged, they would only prioritize family interest and care for nothing else in the world. The measure of their truth, therefore, is less than that of a drop in the ocean.

When men and women have gone a stage further, they would extend the law of love from the family to the village. A still further stage away from the brute life is reached when the law of truth is applied to provincial life, and the people inhabiting a province regulate their relations by love rather than hatred.

In modern times, people cannot go beyond the nation stage in the application of truth. We are not free from the brute nature because we continue bearing ill towards other nations and show disregard for life, to that extent we disregard the law of truth. Still, truth is the only religion that enables us to rid ourselves of the brute nature. All religious sects and divisions, all churches and temples, are useful as long as they make us recognize the universality of truth.

Mind My Business

One of the nicer things about doing this column is that every now and then all sorts of interesting people invite me to have a look at me. Seeing my column here, month after month, they probably ask themselves why this should be so, and what exactly it is that I'm doing to occupy this high-value slot. In short: What business do I have to be in The Kathmandu Post? So, they call me over so as to scrutinize me at close quarters. For I come from a Kalwar family which for generations had engaged in business. I was the first Kalwar to go into naukri, or service. Curious family members would ask me: So what is it exactly that you do when you go to your place of work? And I'd reply that I wrote things. What things? they'd ask. So I'd show them the things I wrote and they'd shake their heads in mystification and go away to do some more lucrative business and leave me to the inexplicable enigma of my naukri. I just did not fit into the fundamentals of a successful business model, which is based on the premise of identifying a specific demand and supplying goods or services to meet that demand in return for a profit. Business, all business, So what demand did I--or rather those who employed me or still unemployed--seek to supply, and with what? And no one could figure that out. Not my employers (bless 'em), nor my readers (bless 'em even more), and least of all me. So when week before last I got an invitation from the Khowpa Engineering College, Kathmandu, to visit them and interact with some of their faculty members and students I accepted with alacrity. If anyone could set me right, business-wise, it was the KHEC. Founded five or six years ago, the KHEC is associated with the Purwanchal University.
As I don't own a tie (or Microsoft, for that matter) I had no such qualms. Toothbrush tucked behind my ear, I headed KHEC-wards. The cab rolled into a luxury resort on the outskirts of Kathmandu. A long driveway (Careful, Peacock Crossing) wound through immense grounds under a star-spangled sky. A state-of-the-art institute, catering to the career advancement of 400-plus students, ranging in age between 22 and 40-some, set in 20-odd acres of campus. In an intense one-year course, with a price tag of Rs 1-2 lakh approximate, live-in students, some with families, have their professional skills honed the better to do cutting-edge business in the world's slowest growing economy.

The next day I toured the campus, met students and teachers, and found out more about doing business than Harvard ever taught me, what with my never having been there. I came away feeling confident. And who knows? Perhaps the bright folk at KHEC will be able to fathom what's perplexed me all my life: namely, what is my business. In other words, I hope the KHEC will mind my business. Because, it is only too evident, I'm congenitally incapable of minding my own.

In the Middle of Nowhere

My parents yoked me to the idea of a secular Nepal before I was even born. My mother, in a stinging refutation of Samuel Huntington's theory, named me Santosh. "Santosh Kalwar," she said. "Rolls off the tongue, doesn't it." And so it was. Without having done anything I had been born special. As my father said, "There may be many Santoshs, but hardly anyone will have the Kalwar attached to it." As far as I knew, my father was right. Puffed up like a peacock, I straddled my dual 'religiosity' with pride, along with a few fibs.
I soon realized my 'difference' came with its baggage. Did we drink at home? What 'gods' did we worship? But it didn't matter then. I flattered myself by thinking how important I was. These modern-day crusades, I sighed mockingly. But since such queries were so immature, I could never really take offence. Increasingly, I found myself having to become a spokesperson "What is your caste?" I don't know. "Are you Brahmin, or ksherti or Newar?" I don't know, and I don't see the connection. "Has your mother converted? Most people do in these mixed marriages, you know," said an elderly man learnedly. "No, I don't know! Why don't you phone and ask her?" was what I wanted to say.

But I said nothing. At first, I treated these questions as ignorant and impertinent but something I had to get used to. I followed the example of my hero Superman. He had his kryptonite and I had mine. Of course, then it didn't hurt so much. I didn't connect what was happening in the outside world with my life. Nothing anyone said or did could alter our freedom to do that, and be, just be! But things did change. Perhaps I was at fault. In my naiveté, I thought being "confused", as one Indian acquaintance put it, would carry me through. It had for 25 years of my life. I had eaten and drunk, loved and lived with people without bothering who they were. But the world, it seemed, had suddenly become very bothered with who I was.

Why wouldn't the Nepal I had held up to people abroad let me be me? I'm still angry. Some people may ask why. After all, I'm not Indian, at least not in the traditional sense. But this fact has been lost on people who by fixatedly dwelling on the Kalwar, refuse to recognize the Santosh in me.

This ensures that at times, I go along with the Indian caricature they expect me to play. One particular exchange with a colleague comes to mind. "Are you really an Indian? You don't look like one." "I'm sorry," I replied. "I forgot the dhoti to wear at home."

Enlightenment

Anyone can be a Gautam Buddha. Spiritual realization is everybody's birthright. It is not a talent like painting, music, poetry, or dancing; it is not genius either. A genius has tremendous intelligence, but it is still of the mind. Enlightenment is not of the mind, it is not intellect; it is intelligence of a totally different order.
People like Friedrich Nietzsche who have missed the journey towards their own selves were great intellectuals, geniuses unparalleled - but all that belongs to the mind.

And to be a Gautam Buddha, Lao Tzu, or Zarathustra is to get out of the mind. It does not matter whether you had a big, small or a mediocre mind, or if you are a genius; the point is that you should be out of the mind. The moment you are out of the mind, you are in yourself. So the strange thing is that the more a person is intellectual, the farther he goes away from himself. His intellect takes him to faraway stars.

He is a genius, he may create great poetry, great sculpture. But as far as you are concerned, you are not to be created, you are already there. The genius creates, the meditator discovers. Consciousness has nothing to do with creativity, inventiveness, science or art. It has something to do with tremendous silence, peace, a centering. When an ordinary man meditates, he comes to the same space of blissfulness as Nietzsche, Einstein or Russell. That space of blissfulness will not be different; it will not be richer for Bertrand Russell because he is a great intellectual. Those values don't matter outside of the mind.

It is as if you all fall asleep here; you will be dreaming. Somebody may have a very beautiful dream, and somebody may have a nightmare. But both are dreams.

And when they wake up, they will know that the beautiful dream and the nightmare are not different - they are both dreams. They are non-existential, mind projections.

This is great and good news because it means a woodcutter or a fisherman can become Gautam Buddha. An uneducated Jesus, an uneducated Kabir, who doesn't show any indication of genius, can still become enlightened, because enlightenment is not a talent, it is discovering your being. And the being of everyone is absolutely equal. Suddenly all distinctions, talents of the mind, disappear. There is only pure sky where you cannot make any distinctions of higher and lower. Enlightenment is the very nature of things.

Mind wants for its nourishment something very difficult, something almost impossible. Only if you can achieve the impossible can you feel you are somebody special. Enlightenment is not a talent. It is not like somebody being born a painter or a poet or a scientist - those are talents. Enlightenment is simply everybody's source of life; it is realizing the fact that "I am that which I have always wanted to be, and I have never been anything else and I cannot be anything else, ever".